By Peter Kadel, Senior Survival Scout

*Episode 1 in an ongoing series.

As we slowly acclimate to the total system shock of returning to school, I’ve noticed that many students are struggling with many aspects of everyday life here at Palm Valley. So since I enjoy helping others, I’ve put together a handy guide to school, drawing on my four years of experience and expertise for anybody who needs a helping hand to use. While many people will sugarcoat the truth or tell you lies to keep you ignorant and complacent, my guide will contain only factual truths.

The Morning:

One significant change that everyone struggles with when returning to school is adjusting to the change in sleep schedules and having to wake up early while also staying up late to do homework. This change is often a cause of struggle and stress for students. To prevent this stress, I fall asleep as soon as I get home. I strictly enforce a bedtime of 5:00 pm and always, religiously, wake up at exactly 2:00 am. This allows me to have nine blissful hours of sleep. Upon waking up, I proceed to run to the top of the tramway for a bit of fresh air. Now that I have reached the sweet spot of being wide awake after my run and refreshed due to my restful sleeping schedule, I am ready to tackle the assignments that I neglected to do the day before.

The key to effectively finishing your assignments before the start of school is speed; errors don’t matter. High school is supposed to be the best 5 ½ years of your life, but they won’t be if you worry about silly academic stuff. Just get it done as quickly as you can so you can focus on the important task of flirting with people your age and getting tattoos or piercings.

That is how I tackle the mornings. Stay tuned for the next installment to Pete’s Declassified School Survival Guide!

Editor: Brennan Nick