the bird on fire

Found: The Worst Relationship Advice on the Internet

November 1, 2023 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

By Senior Gil Maruvada

We started the year with “How-To Relationships.” Gil mused on the subject for so long, we almost . . . abandoned his contribution. But, the junior class, saw Gil’s headline on the board under “Posts in the Works.” They clamored for the publication of the post. They wanted to know what was the worst relationship advice out there. Love Doctor Gil, flattered by their interest, finished the post. Here it is, late for its deadline, but ready wwaaaaayyy before Valentine’s Day.

Hi folks. Lots of relationship advice is out there, just floating around. Sometimes you have that one friend or relative who gives it to you unsolicited even though you never asked and you just want them to shut up because why do they think they are in any position to give advice and now the situation is devolving into an awkward mess where you try and explain to them exactly how uninformed they sound and you just want them to leave you alone. You know who you are, James.

But a lot of that strange unsolicited advice is on the internet as well. I’m compiling for you some of the worst relationship advice on the internet. Now “worst” is an entirely subjective measure, so first we will be going through what people say is the worst relationship advice ever given to them.

Let’s start with some threads from Quora and Reddit where people talk about the worst relationship advice that they have ever received. (But let’s keep in mind that attention-seeking, “like”-maximizing behavior on the internet could mean that some people exaggerate or completely fabricate bad relationship advice for internet points.) Quora user Dushka Zapata who has amassed a total of 260k followers and 9.1k answers on Quora since 2015 has compiled a list of 24 pieces of the worst relationship advice she has heard. The list goes as follows:

Your soulmate is out there!
You are too picky.
He should make the first move.
Play hard to get.
Remain a mystery.
Intelligent women are a threat so let him feel he has the answers.
If it’s not headed towards marriage you are wasting your time.
If he is jealous it means he loves you.
If he is possessive it means he loves you.
If he is abusive it means he loves you.
Buying a house together will save your relationship.
Get married. It will save your relationship.
Have a kid. It will save your relationship.
Give it time. He will change.
If you love him, change for him.
Watch him like a hawk.
Your significant other should be your highest, only priority.
He should be your everything.
Don’t rock the boat.
Don’t go to bed angry.
Love hurts.
Love means sacrifice.
Love is enough.
Love conquers all.

(What is the worst relationship advice you have received or overheard?)

The problems with this advice are derived from it being a mix of empty platitudes, red flags, ideas that are simply false, and “solutions” that don’t solve anything. Other pieces of bad relationship advice on Reddit are similar to things on this list. If you are interested, I encourage you to check out “[Serious] What’s the worst relationship advice you’ve ever heard?” on Reddit or any number of similar threads and look for hidden gems or things you disagree with.

Now let’s talk about what actual “experts” have to say about the topic. (I don’t have a good reason to put experts in quotes, but the general distrust of anyone with a modicum of authority or experience is the new trendy “in” thing, kids). In order to do this, let’s look at “6 experts share the worst piece of relationship advice they’ve ever heard,” written by Shana Lebowitz, a correspondent of Business Insider. One piece of advice in here that stood out to me was the challenge to the idea that “honesty is the best policy.” This is an understandable challenge but surprising because you hear this platitude so much. As our blog teacher Ms. Zachik said, “I think lying is really key in a relationship.”

In general, I personally think that most relationship advice on the internet is bad relationship advice. Given the internet’s track record, I don’t think it’s really safe to trust it. Plus with algorithms working to erode our sense of community and our place in the world, always making us more isolated in order to make it easier to market to us, the advice that rises to the top might not be high quality. Internet advice is less like cream of the crop and more like dead fish that floated to the surface.

In conclusion, the world is already an Orwellian corporate surveillance state monitoring your every move and thought and constantly trying to make sure you behave and stay obedient so that they can sell your most personal secrets to the highest bidder. Remember, 2+2=5, trust the government completely, and if you don’t hear from me again it’s because I’ve been unpersoned.

Why Dr Pepper Is the Best

October 26, 2023 by szachik@pvs.org 3 Comments

Wouldn’t You Like To Be A Pepper, Too?

By Senior Gil Maruvada

In our pursuit of controversy, we’ve unearthed Oliver’s unpopular sports opinions and the fiery opinions of PVS middle and upper schoolers, its staff and faculty (Thank you, Louisa). Gil, who “requires controversial opinions in order to tell the difference between his own identity and that of other people,” finds this was a subject made for him. Gil stands alone(?) in his love for Dr Pepper. He explains why he’s “a Pepper.”

In Waco, Texas, at the turn of the 19th century, before world wars and the Great Depression, an invention that would change the face of the world today was created. That something was the soda Dr Pepper, first sold on December 1st, 1885 (thoughtco.com). It is the world’s best commercially available soda sold in most retail stores. Now, you might have a personal favorite brand, but Dr Pepper is the best soda you can get just by walking into any store near you. That might be a bit of a bold claim, so allow me to prove definitively once and for all that Dr Pepper is better than its alternatives: Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, Mountain Dew, etc.

Now, let’s get this straight first, Dr Pepper has no period. While Dr Pepper was initially stylized with a period, the Artesian Manufacturing and Bottling Company dropped the period in the 1950s, so referring to it with a period is incorrect (drpeppermuseum.com). Additionally, there is no consensus as to why it is called Dr Pepper, and if it was named after a person there are competing theories as to who (dallasnews.com).

The superiority of Dr Pepper has been heralded by a small circle of pepper enthusiasts, some may call it cult-like but I like to think of it as the global Dr Pepper ~~conspiracy~~ community. Dr Pepper is something entirely different from Coke or Pepsi because Coke and Pepsi are colas while Dr Pepper is a pepper soda, which is an entirely different category pioneered by Charles Alderton. And while soda sales overall have been going down for other companies, Dr Pepper sales have been going up (cnn.com).

A large number of people swear by Dr Pepper as well (not just me). Elizabeth Sullivan, who drank three Dr Peppers a day, credits it with her longevity; she lived to be 106 years old (nbcdfw.com). She famously stated that “Every doctor that sees me says they’ll kill you, but they die and I don’t” (time.com). She has a point–-Dr Pepper is a heaven-sent elixir and panacea.

Centenarian Elizabeth Sullivan discusses here her affection for Dr Pepper.

Now Dr Pepper isn’t for everyone; some people don’t like its additional flavors and complex layers (and while I think these people are weak and inherently wrong, they technically have the right to their own incorrect opinions).

But this doesn’t answer the question of what Dr Pepper is. Dr Pepper isn’t a soda but a representation of human freedom. Every soda above Dr Pepper in sales is owned by either PepsiCo or the Coca Cola company. That makes Dr Pepper the third most popular alternative company, the third choice in a two party system. Sodas emulate politics. Coca Cola and Pepsi represent how a two-party paradigm can naturally emerge in a voting system. The only difference from politics is here people vote with their money. But a two-party system inherently restricts options and variability. Coke and Pepsi both have supporters and detractors who would fight to the end for their corporate overlords’ sakes, but in the end they are both really similar sodas. Dr Pepper, however, is an alternative to the system, a giant cooperation in its own right stepping into the ring and making a spectacle. This battle will not be fought with the force and passion of political debates but with the slow and steady machinations of the economy. And I for one would welcome a new Dr Pepper paradigm, where pepper sodas completely take over. Out with the old corporate overlords and in with the “new.” It just tastes better.

The 2008 Dr Pepper ad campaign: Be a Pepper.

*The views expressed by Mr. Maruvada do not necessarily represent the views of The Bird on Fire, Ms. Zachik, and PVS, or anyone else for that matter.

What’s your hill to die on?

October 20, 2023 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

By Freshman Louisa Richardson

In the Blog’s continued exploration of controversial opinions, ace-reporter Louisa surveyed the Palm Valley scene and logged the following unpopular rants and raves. She had a good time. And she picked up a lot of sass.

A hill to die on is essentially a controversial opinion that you stand by. My fellow blogger Gil, in our class discussion of Controversy, used this phrase. It caught my ear. In order to unearth controversy, I decided to survey people, asking, “What’s your hill to die on?” Opinions these days are nothing short of controversial, whether it’s pineapple on pizza, or Donald Trump. The people have something to say. The middle/upper-school students and teachers, and my father, were all asked the simple question, “What’s your hill to die on?” (usually followed by an explanation of what the phrase means). These hills tended to fall into six categories: pop culture, politics, food, fashion, dogs, and school.

Unpopular Opinions on Pop

8th-grader Jack Edelstein and the rest of the Podcasting class take passionate issue with Taylor Swift–not a popular stance. Jack leads the podcasting flock with the following statement:

“Taylor Swift sucks[;] she dates every guy ever and is still obsessed with them! She blames them for everything, making 99% of her songs the same. She acts like the victim in every relationship she is in. She has been with every weird actor you can name, and she always acts like she was the victim in the relationship. . . . [And,] 99% of her music is unoriginal. It goes from sad, depressed, angry music to then Love-“I-found-another” relationship, and repeat. Lastly, her fanbase sucks.”

8th-grader Ethan Brooks from Podcasting adds:

“Kanye MADE Taylor Swift.”

Other unpopular opinions regarding popular culture include . . .

“Avatar was not that good.”

–My father

“Spotify is terrible; it makes it hard to provide money as a not-so-popular artist, as the platform rarely even showcases new artists!”

–Mr. Hesson, Math/Podcasting Teacher

“Paramount Plus is better than Netflix.”

–Elijah Berliner, freshman

“Elijah is wrong.”

–Brooklyn Hatrak, freshman

“Joe Jonas is a dweeb.”

–Ms. Maguire, English/Creative Writing Teacher

Several opinions surfaced about School . . .

“Poems should be abolished; they are useless in the learning curriculum.”

–Tony Ratner, 8th-grader

“Essays are useless, and don’t teach anything.”

–Jackie Padgett, 8th-grader

“Reading can be fun; you just have to find the right book.”

–Zoey Guess, 7th-grader

“The snack shack is overpriced.”

–Hudson, Jack, and, again, the rest of Podcasting Class

“PVS is the best!”

–Jerry Wang, senior

“Middle schoolers need to STAY IN THE MIDDLE SCHOOL!”

–Anais Lee . . . and the rest of the high school

Opinions on food were . . . interesting . . .

“String cheese with chocolate milk is delicious.”

–Ally Bankers, senior

“Fries are better with ranch than with a milkshake.”

–Coach J. Erenberg

“Mustard is better than ketchup, and there are no better Bob Dylan albums than THE Bob Dylan original.”
–Mr. Satterfield, History Teacher

“Fruits shouldn’t be in the dessert; if I am ordering a chocolate cake, and you give me cantaloupe on the side, I will be mad.”
–Abby Assefa, junior

“Vegan diets are just bad for you.”

–Zander Eaton, freshman

“Chocolate milk SHOULD come from brown cows.”

–Emerson Dunn, 6th-grader

People had strong opinions on fashion.

“Skinny jeans are ugly.”

–Lily Jones, junior

“Low rise jeans are actually the worst.”

–Morgan Richardson, 6th-grader

“High top Converse suck.”

–Olivia Puetz, freshman

And, while Grandma always said, “Don’t talk Politics at the dinner table,” we do.

“Banning books should be unneeded.”

–Addison Uhlhorn, 7th grade

“Donald Trump won.”
–Alex Kirov, 8th-grader

“The moon landing was fake.”

–Luke Sonderman, senior

“Asians aren’t yellow.”

–Edward Berg, 7th grade

A few of us had opinions about Dogs.

“Dogs should be allowed on the bed!”
–Ms. Zachik, English/Blog Teacher

“Chihuahuas are the worst dog breed; they are glorified rats. They serve no purpose in this world. When you have hunting dogs, and service dogs, Chihuahuas just shake. They all have three teeth and live forever. If there was one dog breed that had to go extinct, I would choose Chihuahuas. Chihuahuas should be banned.

–Emma Murdock, Middle-School Receptionist

And, finally, Coach offered a little compassion . . .

“I don’t think anyone should die on a hill.”

–Coach Erenberg

People sure do have a lot of opinions. Controversial or not, this was the most fun I have ever had surveying. Do you have a controversial opinion we missed? Add it to the comments.

Controversial Sports Opinions Likely to Get Me Into a Fight

October 19, 2023 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

Blog staffers are exploring “Controversial/Unpopular Opinions.” They ask “What’s Your Hill to Die On?” They argue for Joe Biden grabbing that second term. They admit to liking Dr. Pepper. Oliver has some hard-and-fast opinions on sports. Oliver loves sports. Oliver knows sports. And, here, he’s not afraid to share his (unpopular?) opinion on some famous sports figures and sports events.

By Sophomore Oliver Martinez

I’ve watched sports since I was a little kid. I generally enjoy watching; however, there are certain ideas or opinions that I just don’t agree with. So, here, I’ve compiled a brief list of my opinions on sports most likely to get me into a fight. For now, I’m talking about basketball and football/soccer.

LeBron is better than MJ

Okay, so there are many reasons as to why I believe LeBron James is better than Michael Jordan.

First reason, LeBron led an awful, losing Cavaliers team to the finals in his first years at the Cavaliers. Michael Jordan did none of that until he got his Bulls super team in 1991 with the likes of Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant. When LeBron made his first finals, who was the best player next to him? Drew Gooden? Not to mention LeBron was playing one of the best San Antonio teams ever assembled with Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, and Manu Ginobili. Also, let’s not forget that Michael Jordan got even more amazing players added to his team. In 1996, he came back to the best team ever assembled with the likes of Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, Steve Kerr, Toni Kukoc, Ron Harper-–the list goes on. No kidding: he was going to win a championship. With a team like that, not winning a championship would be embarrassing. The point is, LeBron made more finals playing for a bad team while playing against amazing teams. MJ needed a super team to succeed.

Reason 2: On top of the championship’s success, LeBron has surpassed MJ in just about every category. He has 6,000 more points than MJ (NBA.com). LeBron has double the amount of assists. LeBron has more rebounds and more blocks as well. Point is, he’s better at almost everything.

Reason 3: One more interesting thing I want to mention is that when LeBron was drafted by the Cavaliers, the Cavs hadn’t made the playoffs for four years. LeBron sent them to the finals in just four years. A couple years later he proceeded to make it all the way to the NBA Finals eight times in a row, from 2011-2018. LeBron joined the Lakers in 2019. At the time, the Lakers hadn’t even made the playoffs for six years and were last place in their conference. However, after just two years of LeBron being with the Lakers, they won a championship. LeBron is simply the better player. I’m not taking any credit away from MJ; he was a fantastic player and is easily in the top three of all time, but he required a super team to gain success, and LeBron proved he didn’t. Championship success isn’t everything there is to basketball, and flashy scoring doesn’t make you a better overall player.

LeBron and Curry could’ve been the best NBA rivalry IF it hadn’t been for Durant

I was just thinking about this the other day, and it makes so much sense. From 2015 and on, Curry and LeBron were at their peak, and watching them play was magical. They made the finals and the games so exciting. These were close, hard-fought games. LeBron had just returned to the Cavs and was giving it his all to get the Cavs their first chip. Curry and LeBron met in the finals in 2015. It ended with Golden State and Steph Curry winning the series 4-2, but it was close and an exciting matchup. In 2016, it was even better, the Warriors held a 3-1 lead over LeBron’s Cavs, making it almost impossible for the Cavs to come back, but they miraculously did. In fact, they came back to win their first-ever championship. These years were some of the best in the NBA. But, in 2017, everything was ruined. The Warriors went on a huge signing spree. Their most remarkable signings were Andre Iguodala, JaVale McGee, Shaun Livingston, and, the worst of all, Kevin Durant. This automatically not only made them the absolute best team in the NBA but possibly the best team ever. After that, there was virtually no hope for the LeBron-Curry rivalry to continue. Both their teams made the finals again twice, but the Cavs were literally shredded. Hence, ended the legendary rivalry between LeBron and Curry. Thankfully, Draymond Green had a fight with KD and this marked the date that KD left the Warriors – ending the Warriors’ absolute dominance of the league.

Oliver has a *few* basketball jerseys at home. Pictured are just his favorites.

. . . moving now to Soccer/Football . . .

The 2022 FIFA World Cup was rigged

Yup, you read that right. The 2022 FIFA World Cup was rigged! Here is my reasoning:

Reason 1: I will start off simple. Argentina won with five penalties to their favor. Argentina scored off most of these penalty kicks (fourfourtwo.com). Five penalties doesn’t sound like that much, until you realize that teams that make it to the finals play a total of seven games. There were more games where Argentina’s opponents were penalized than games that were penalty free. We haven’t seen this many penalties in finals since 1966 and 1978.

Second reason why the FIFA 2022 World Cup was Rigged: Who was the referee in the final? According to FIFA, the referee for the final is picked at random from all eligible referees in the World Cup. But, FIFA picked Polish referee Szymon Marciniak to referee the final…. This was a potential conflict of interest. Why? Because who eliminated Poland? France. And it was France who was playing Argentina in the Final. Think about it? Who was hating on France . . . ?

Reason three: FIFA needs money. As much as I hate to admit it, I believe FIFA is corrupt. This was evident from the moment FIFA picked Qatar to be World Cup hosts. Countries put bids in to be hosts. Wrote The New York Times of Qatar as host: “The United States Department of Justice on Monday said for the first time that representatives working for Russia and Qatar had bribed FIFA officials to secure hosting rights for the World Cup in men’s soccer” (nytimes.com). My theory? FIFA rigged the World Cup final to be Argentina vs any other team because FIFA knew that Argentina was the team that would generate tons of money. Just imagine, if the final had been Croatia vs Netherlands – virtually no one would have watched it, but since the Final included Argentina and Lionel Messi, it was the best way FIFA could get millions, maybe even billions of people to watch it.

My fourth and last reason as to why the 2022 World Cup was rigged is that FIFA needed to complete and pad the world-famous Messi trophy cabinet–which leads me to my next controversial opinion.

Messi is not the best player of all time

Sure, Messi is a good player. However, he is not the best. Here are some reasons as to why there are better players.

Reason 1: Messi joined Barcelona in 2004. There is proof of Barcelona paying the refs from 2001 all the way until 2018. According to Fox Sports, FC Barcelona paid a total of 7.3 million euros in the span of 18 years to José María Enríquez Negreira, who was vice president of the refereeing committee in Spain at the time. I would conclude that most of the trophies won in those years are rubber trophies (foxsports.com).

Reason 2: I think that another reason people really say that Messi is the best of all time is because they hear others say that, and also because the 2022 FIFA World Cup is the most watched ever as it has been the most televised. I believe that since this was the most accessible World Cup, most people who haven’t watched before just naturally assume that the winners are the best and that their best player is the best, which seems natural to think but isn’t necessarily true.

Reason 3: With the popularization of Soccer/Football in the U.S., Americans (for the most part), are just going with the flow (which is fine and understandable), but had they done a little digging, they would realize there are players who have done so much more for the game – like Pelé, or Maradona or even Zidane. Pelé won three World Cups, the only player to ever do so. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, Pelé has the most goals ever with 1,279. Pelé scored hundreds more than even Ronaldo or Messi. He never had to play in Europe to prove he was the best. He played in friendlies against the top teams in the world back then and won. He was an elite goalscorer from anywhere in the field. And he did this back in the 50s, the 60s, and the 70s. Just imagine what he could have done if he had the technology of today.

Truth be told, I know no one will change their opinions because I wrote an article about my controversial takes on sports. But, if you want to contribute your controversial takes on sports, feel free to do so in the comments.

The Forbidden Foods of Louisa Richardson

October 4, 2023 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

Blogger Gil challenged us to write about forbidden things. Oliver coached us to avoid forbidden relationship faux pas. Gil will be our tour guide through forbidden places. Indy is a master of the forbidden. Louisa . . . contemplates forbidden foods–foods that look enticingly tasty but aren’t actually foods at all. Never fear: No high schooler was harmed in the making of this post. Nobody got eaten, and Louisa is just fine. For now.

By Freshman Louisa Richardson

Have you ever looked at something completely inedible and thought to yourself, “I would totally eat that.” Even if they aren’t edible things, that will not stop my brain from thinking “oh tasty!” Recently on a trip to the grocery store, I saw some strawberry syrup (aka Palmolive pink dish soap) and told my mom that I would eat it. My mother looked at me with surprise and disgust. Silly, Mommy, it just seems so delicious. Since Gil told us to consider “The Forbidden,” I thought it would be fun to go through a list of things I would like to eat that are definitely not edible. I did find the further into the list we go, the more disturbing the “food” items get.

Fiberglass Insulation

Take a good long look at fiberglass insulation and tell me you don’t want to dive in there and start munching. As someone who has touched this glass-flavored cotton candy, I will tell you, it appears crunchy. I imagine it makes that delightful crunching noise that gives it perfect texture. 10/10 I will eat this.

Dish Soap

This strawberry–flavored creamy deliciousness happens to be dish soap. I won’t let that stop me. If you were to squeeze some out of the bottle, you can’t tell me it doesn’t look like the syrup they would use in a waffle commercial. I can practically hear the salesman saying, “New at Waffle House, Strawberry Waffle Syrup perfect for your waffles!” Is your mouth watering yet?

Falling-Water Thinking-Putty

Silly Putty is one of those things with me. I wouldn’t eat it, but I would definitely think about it. I would probably eat it if it smelled better. I feel like the taste would be too chemically. For those of you who are thinking, “They make candy-smelling slime,” slime and putty are two very different things. I need a food-scented Silly Putty; then I would eat it. No questions asked.

Stretchy Slap Sticky Toy Hands

I think I actually did eat one of these party favors as a child. I used to get them at the dentist, and it was the greatest feeling to slap my sister with them. My sister hated it. I would absolutely eat these, any flavor: grape, lemon, cherry, and blue raspberry, the gummy texture, the stretch, the perfect bite. I imagine getting a whole pack of these, and eating them like that candy fruit roll up. Absolutely delicious.

Mod Podge

“The perfect dipping sauce for children’s fingers.” — Freshman Brooklyn Hatrak

This particular inedible decoupage snack doesn’t actually seem tasty. It’s just the way that the word podge sounds. I would never eat glue, but I would eat podge. Don’t ask me what the difference is because I don’t know; I just want to eat it.

Spackle

Photo Source: motherdaughterprojects.com.

Any flavor of spackling looks delicious. Can you imagine what would happen if I just made a spackling cake? You would eat it, wouldn’t you? Although a spackle cake technically exists already, I don’t think it’s really made out of spackle. I can change that. Mom, if you’re reading this, all I want for my birthday is a spackle cake.

Drilling Mud

This is chocolate, and you can’t tell me otherwise. Now the technical term is “drilling mud,” but it looks like dark chocolate pudding. Although drilling mud comes out of a very disgusting tube, I would probably eat it if someone served it to me in a pudding cup.

Molten Lava

Lava is a sea of literal goodness. Sure, it would burn my mouth, but if you’ve seen the videos online of people dropping the lava slowly but surely into a cup of water, you would know just how appetizing it appears. The color, texture, and dripping capabilities make this tasty snack all the more delightful.

Snow on a Tree

Now you might call me a picky eater for this one, but I would never ever eat a tree that doesn’t have snow on it–a light powdery snow. With snow as condiment, I would eat a tree. I would probably start with the little twigs, coated in a delicious white frosting. I think this craving comes from my urge to live in a gingerbread house. I imagine that my cravings for wood will never be satisfied, at least not until gingerbread season.

Adorable Pomeranian (aka Walking Cotton Candy)

I wouldn’t really eat a dog, just his fur. Pomeranians are so cute and cuddly, and their fur is so fluffy. Their fur would make that nice little crunchy sound, like cotton candy and insulation. I bet these dogs would be really ugly without fur; as a matter of fact, google it. I guarantee they are ugly without fur.

Animated Children

“I hear Hillary Clinton eats children.” — [a facetious] Senior Indiana Behr

Well, if Hillary does it, why can’t I? To be fair, I don’t necessarily want to eat a child. That’s creepy. It’s more that I want to eat those little pictures of children, as shown above. If I did eat a child, it would be one of these little animated ones. The images of children I would eat seem like they would be the texture of gummy bears, with a citrusy flavor. Again I WOULD NOT EAT A LITERAL CHILD, just the tiny little animated ones.

Remember readers, these foods are not edible (mostly because they’re NOT foods–especially children and dog fur), so, please, don’t eat them. Yeah, forbidden-food-that’s-not-food seems really tasty to me–whether it’s silly putty, or children. My friend Gil (fellow blogger) said, “I imagine that life is very difficult for someone who wants to go around eating everything,” and I can confidently say, Yes, yes it is.

*Note: No children, dogs, or spackle were harmed in the writing of this post.

How to Survive Disneyland

September 26, 2023 by szachik@pvs.org 3 Comments

As we explore How To Be in Healthy Relationships–with our dogs, with our significant others, Indy delves into his relationship with . . . Disneyland.

By Senior Indiana Behr

Two weeks ago, I went to Disneyland Resort in Anaheim, California, and I realized I just had to write an article about it. I have tips like how to not spend half your day in line, where to eat, how to save money, and which are the best rides.

Keep this in mind when reading: Disneyland Resort has two parks, Disneyland Park and California Adventure. You need separate tickets to access them, or you can pay extra and get Park Hopper tickets–where from 11:00 a.m. until close you can switch parks as much as you wish. When I say Disneyland, I am referring to the entire resort including both parks, hotels, etc. When I say Disneyland Park, that just means one of the two parks within the resort.

Preparation

There are a few things that you should do before you even start driving to Disneyland. (It’s a two-hour drive from the desert.) Firstly, try to make a plan as early as possible. If you buy tickets at the last minute, it can be more expensive, and you will also have fewer options. Some parks will sell out, or they won’t let you buy a Park Hopper ticket. If you are a California resident, you can usually get a two-day pass for only $83 per person per day (Note: you cannot get a Park Hopper ticket with this).

There’s one thing you should always get if it’s available, and even last minute; it sells out almost never–Get Genie+ Service. It is $25 per person each day, and it applies to both parks if you have a Park Hopper ticket. At several times throughout the day, you will be able to buy a pass to get in separate shorter lines. If you’re strategic, it’s totally worth it, and you can double the amount of good rides every day.

Planning to go for several days? Then you’ll have to think about hotels. Hotels are much harder and way more expensive to get last minute than park entrance tickets. If you start looking weeks in advance, you will most likely be able to pick any of the three Disneyland resort hotels. If you’re not staying in the resort, there is a list of 58 hotels that are approved by Disney to be of good quality. These hotels are not overpriced, and they are all near the resort–either within walking or bus distance. You can check the list of recommended hotels here. Also, there is a 24-hour IHOP, a McDonald’s, and a Panera immediately outside Disneyland near the off-resort hotels. Keep these in mind if you do not want to spend lots of money to get the often mediocre food inside the parks.

There are three hotels in Disneyland, and all are within a five-minute walk to both parks. One of them is much fancier than the others, yet the others are still very nice, and generally better than those outside the resort.

Let’s talk about the Disneyland Hotel. The first Disney hotel in the world, and the only one Walt Disney was involved with, it opened just a few months after Disneyland did in 1955. Technically, the hotel expanded a lot over time as demand increased, and eventually some of the original hotel was demolished, and now, none of the original hotel is still there. This hotel is pretty cool. It has a very retro Disney feel, and it has not modernized as much as the rest of Disneyland has, which I think is really fun. You will have to walk through Downtown Disney, essentially an outdoor mall that you do not need tickets for. If you are able to get into Disneyland Park, you can take the Monorail that goes into Tomorrowland –that way you can skip the line at the gate, and you can skip the walk. On the Monorail, you also get some cool narrated facts and sightseeing on the way.

If you’re willing to pay a premium for one of the nicest Disney hotel experiences ever, consider the Grand Californian. This hotel is visually stunning, whether it’s the exterior, lobby, or rooms. There are incredible wood accents everywhere; it has the best amenities of any of the hotels by far, and everything about it is pure Disney luxury. During the holidays, it’s even better. Additionally, if you have a ticket for California Adventure, you can go straight into the park through a small entrance on the side of the hotel. That entrance to California Adventure almost never has a line and is so convenient. And, it’s usually quicker to get to Disneyland Park by cutting through here and just walking across the main plaza.

Lastly, there is the Paradise Pier hotel. I would say this is for now my least favorite hotel. It’s themed around what was known as Paradise Pier in California Adventure, which was a Santa Monica-inspired pier with a ferris wheel and some carnival rides and games. In 2018 it became Pixar Pier. For whatever reason, at that point, the plan was for the hotel to stay the same, and it’s honestly just not my preference. It’s not as fancy as the Grand Californian, but the theme isn’t as fun as the Disneyland Hotel. It is, however, usually a little cheaper and quicker to get to both parks than the Disneyland Hotel. This winter, they are finally going to make it Pixar themed and call it the Pixar Place Hotel, which I think will be a very nice upgrade. I am definitely looking forward to seeing it.

Once You’re There

Okay, you’re in Disneyland. It’s the happiest place on earth, and you want to have a fun day or even a few fun days. Maybe you have a Park Hopper ticket and hopefully a Genie+ pass; your hotel could be just outside, or maybe you’re only there for a few hours. Regardless, I have some tips for you. First, try to get there early. If you are staying in a resort hotel, you can usually get into the park 30 minutes before opening. This means arriving between 7:30-8:00 a.m.; you can get on lines for several rides when there is almost no wait. However, only some attractions open at this time. You can check the Disneyland app or site to see which will be open during this period. If you don’t get the app, you can still be efficient. If you get through the security checkpoint before the parks open, you can rope drop, which essentially means being among the first to enter. If you run to your favorite attraction after this, you can usually skip a long line.

No matter the plans, get the Disneyland app. It’s free. Just trust me. There are so many things that you can only do on the app, like getting Genie+ passes, or accessing wait times for rides. Make a Disney account for even more options. If you paid for the Genie+ service, you will need the app to use it, and you will also need to scan your tickets into the app. You can only start buying Genie+ passes to get on faster lines once you are inside a park, but if you have a Park Hopper ticket, you will be able to get Genie+ passes for both parks, not just the one you’re in. Passes will be gone quick. Last week, I got to Disneyland Park 20 minutes after opening, and the earliest Haunted Mansion Holiday pass was for 10:00-11:00 p.m. If you are arriving at the park within the first hour, go get in line. Use the time you’re standing there to get on the app and buy your Genie+ passes.

If you’re there early, once you’re on line, start looking at what options you have. Try starting with a ride that is hours away and/or has a really long standby line. In Disneyland Park, think the Matterhorn, Haunted Mansion between September and December (when it’s holiday themed), Space Mountain, and Millenium Falcon: Smuggler’s Run. At California Adventure, try Toy Story Midway Mania, Incredicoaster, Soarin’, or Guardians of the Galaxy. All of these have really long lines day and night, and getting passes will save you hours.

Due to high demand, me and several other PVS students–Jess, Audrey, Lorelei, Zoey, and Landon–had to pay for the Lightning Lane pass for Radiator Springs Racers in Cars Land. Genie+ is unavailable for this ride. Here you pay $25 per person to get in the Lightning Lane (the shorter, speedier line). It was 100% worth it.

Let’s talk food (and some beverages, too). I will be honest; a lot of food at Disneyland isn’t very good. However, there are some places that I recommend. In Disneyland Park, I have found all of the best food is in the New Orleans Square section. If you can get reservations, the Blue Bayou is a Cajun restaurant located inside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. It’s very fun and also has pretty good food. If you want to grab something to-go, a new restaurant, Tiana’s Palace, just opened a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately, I missed it by two days. However, most reviews say it’s pretty good. My personal favorite Disneyland food is the beignets sold at the Mint Julep Bar. Honestly, I don’t care for the mint juleps, but the beignets are amazing. They are hot, covered in powdered sugar, and Mickey-shaped! You can also mobile order these from the app which is very convenient. Oga’s Cantina in Galaxy’s Edge has some pretty cool drinks and weird snacks from another galaxy. If you’re a Star Wars fan, you have to visit this spot. If you are addicted to Starbucks, the Market House on Main Street is actually just a Starbucks.

In California Adventure, there are a few good options. The Pym Test Kitchen in Avengers Campus has some pretty interesting items – things like huge soft pretzels with lime and bacon condiments and chicken sandwiches with tiny buns and giant patties. They also are one of the only places that have a Coca-Cola Freestyle machine which means way more drink options. The Smokejumpers Grill in Grizzly Peak has good burgers and chicken tenders. The fried chicken at Flo’s V8 in Cars Land is really good, too. You can mobile order at all of these places. Just like the Market House in Disneyland Park, there is a Starbucks in disguise in California Adventure as well. It’s called Fiddler, Fifer & Practical Cafe, and it’s on Buena Vista Street. For what it’s worth, I prefer this location over the Market House. This one has indoor seating, and in my experience the line moves quicker. I also just think this whole area, inspired by Los Angeles in the 1920s, is pretty cool.

If you follow some of these tips, I guarantee you can pack more fun into your day at Disneyland while possibly paying less.

Design the Yearbook Cover!

September 21, 2023 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

We are excited to see the creativity and talent that our students bring in their yearbook cover ideas! Yearbook staff will be choosing the cover design come the first week of November.
Mr. Wendt-West, Yearbook Advisor

Never do these things in your relationships

September 15, 2023 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

Oliver’s post is the first in our series on Forbidden Things – stay tuned for forbidden foods, forbidden places, and surprise forbidden Indy things. Follow Oliver’s advice in “Things to Never Do in a Relationship” and you may avoid painful mistakes with that best friend, pet, or with your mother.
–Instructor Zachik

By Oliver Martinez

Have you ever done something to your friend, or your mom, or your pet—maybe as a joke, or by accident, or on purpose–and then you realize that your loved one kind of hates you for it ? Well, here are seven things never to do in your relationships . . . because who wants to be hated?

Don’t Do This to Your Friends

1. Leave your friend hanging

This is just cruel. Making plans and never showing up is pure evilness. After this, don’t expect to be talking to your friend for at least the next week or so. And, it’s even worse when you don’t give them a heads-up that you won’t be showing up. You just don’t show up at all, and now your friend won’t talk to you.

2. Leave your friend on “read”

What’s worse than leaving your friend’s text message on “delivered”?

When you read their message and decide not to respond.

Now, I speak from personal experience. I have been left on “read” and left others on “read ,” too. And, I can see why it’s annoying. Reading someone’s text and just deciding it’s not worth twenty-five seconds of your life to respond can lead to hurt feelings. Now, maybe your friend won’t stop talking to you for this, but they definitely will point it out the next time you hang out with them.

3. Prank your friend

Now, I’m not talking about those little pranks, like joking with your friends or just messing with them. I’m talking about those types of pranks where you throw their phone into a river or throw eggs at them. Those pranks are the ones that make your friend hate you, and “it’s just a joke” won’t fix the situation. Thankfully, for this one, I do not speak from personal experience. I’ve seen it happen, but it hasn’t happened to me.

Don’t Do This With Your Pets

4. Forget to give them their usual treat

Pets are smarter than they seem. They remember the routine of you giving them their usual treat. And, when you forget, they will remind you. And, by reminding you, I mean they will bark at you until you give them their treat. Here, I do speak from personal experience.

5. Put pet clothing on them

Pets hate when you put clothing on them. During the winter, we used to put a little sweater on one of my dogs because we thought she would be cold. But I guess one day she had enough of the sweater and found a way to take it off. She ripped it to shreds. From then on, we didn’t put clothes on my dog anymore. Besides, experts say that dressing up your dog “could cause painful rubbing against a dog’s skin, as well as causing them to potentially overheat and get stressed” (Prima.co.uk). So, whatever you do, don’t dress up your dog.

With Family Members, Remember, Don’t . . .

6. “Forget” to do your chores

Whether you actually forgot to take out the trash or you were just not feeling like it, parents –most of the time– get pretty mad if you don’t do your chores. I think that what annoys them most is knowing that we can easily do our chores but decide not to because we’re lazy. I would recommend at least giving a valid reason on why you couldn’t do your chores.

7. “Forget” to clean your room

This one technically comes under the umbrella of “not doing your chores,” but it’s such a problem that it’s in its own category. Are you ever just relaxing in your room and then your parents walk in and realize it’s a mess? Well, I know this has happened to the vast majority of us. And, parents get really upset when our room isn’t clean and tidy. I understand why they get angry, but at the same time, does my room really look that bad if I forget to make the bed one day? Or if I have two or three water bottles in my nightstand? Well, the point is, clean your room to make your parents happy.

Truth is, it’s impossible to keep everyone happy. At a certain point in time, you will say or do something dumb and your friends and family will briefly hate you for it. Best thing to do is to just make the mistakes and learn from them.

Perfect . . . if only the ending were different

September 14, 2023 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

In R.F. Kuang’s recently released “satirical literary thriller”* Yellowface, the writing-workshop characters answer, “What’s a book that would be perfect if you could rewrite the ending?” I put the question to our bloggers, allowing them to include movies, TV series, and short stories in their replies.

*New York Times

**Spoiler Alert: Story endings will be revealed in the following commentaries on The Road, The Giver, The Flash, and The Parent Trap.
Blog Instructor Zachik

**Oliver Martinez rewrites The Road.**

The book The Road ends with the dad dying and the boy leaving with another family. Although it may be a strong ending, I personally believe that it would’ve been better if they ended up waking from a dream and waking up in a better place. Since the whole book in general is very sad, maybe this would’ve made it seem less depressing.

**Gil Maruvada adds to The Giver.**

I would end The Giver with Jonas waking up in the snow in the morning holding the child Gabriel at the bottom of the hill he rolled down, the sled and houses having been a hallucination of his addled mind. He would find some food to eat, and search for civilization while investigating the outside world and what happened; additionally, he would explore the boundaries of the civilization he left. Eventually Gabriel would return as a teen and see what had become of the civilization they had left behind and the infighting that had occurred, and it would philosophically reinforce the themes of the novel while addressing the complexities of revolution and changing society.

**Louisa Richardson advocates shortening The Flash TV series.**

A tv show that would be perfect without the ending is The Flash. I absolutely love superheroes and the first season of that show was literal perfection . . . . Although almost everyone hates it now, it was one of the best DC shows . . . . The casting was great; the CGI was good . . . , and the general premise was great. After season 5, I think everything went downhill. The cast got too big; the CGI was horrible, and the script was so repetitive. If I could change it, I’d probably just make it so that The Flash ended after season 5 but maybe without the random long lost daughter from the future part.

Indy Behr champions the villain of The Parent Trap (again).

I get why the twins’ father Nick chose them over his ex Meredith Blake, but I still wish that they hadn’t ended her story by having her storm off angrily. I don’t think she was the villain, which I wrote a blog article*** about. . . . I do not think this ending was appropriate.

*FYI: Blog class voted for Louisa’s rewrite. Which do you like? If given the chance, what story ending would you rewrite?

***“Why Lindsay Lohan’s ‘The Parent Trap’ is the Greatest Movie Ever Made and Often the Most Misunderstood” by Indiana Behr

Advice Across the Ages: How to be in a Relationship

September 12, 2023 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Freshman Louisa Richardson

One of the perks about being at a school like Palm Valley is that we go all the way from preschool to high-school seniors. This means, with all these ages, interviewing is really fun. I have found with past surveys that the answers to questions vary quite a lot depending on the age of the interviewee. When asking a rather silly question (at least in the little ones’ eyes) like, “Do you have any relationship advice,” kids usually start with a few giggles; whereas angry teenagers usually start with an eye roll. I asked a large group of kids, little ones to teenagers, the same question, Do you have relationship advice for new couples? I started with 4th graders, and worked my way up. Some responses were refreshingly wholesome, and some were outright disturbing.
Blogger Louisa

Asked: What relationship advice do you have for a new couple?

And, Answered:

“Keep like a friend!”

This response came from a little girl named Jasmine Linthreum. A sweet 4th grader, who, when I asked her class if anyone wanted to answer, raised her hand really high with a big smile on her face. This response was very heartwarming.

“First, keep a really safe distance before you act, and make sure you always keep a ring, just in case.”

Luke McDaniel answered with this delightful response; he is in fourth grade and took my question very seriously. He seemed to enjoy answering.

“Just tell the person you like to look up, down, to the side, and to the other side, then down again, then grab their chin and kiss ‘em! It worked for me.”

Sheldon Kirsch seems to know a lot about relationships. The fourth grader was extremely confident in his answer; his was the most mature answer in his class–even if his response might not work for the high schoolers.

“They should do a date every week! And, they should text each other during class, but only if they’re allowed. OH OHH make sure you say you love each other on Instagram!!”

Anna Boutine was one of the most enthused kids I asked; she seemed to have a lot of ideas.

“Try to get to know each other and be honest with each other.”

Cleo Antle (fifth grade) here gave some very good advice, with no giggles beforehand. I think we all can learn something from Cleo’s response.

“Don’t change yourself for anybody.”

This response comes from a delightful Sophia after about five minutes of giggles.

“Don’t rush it and take it slow, and be really careful. Also don’t do a reality tv show; I’ve seen what it does to people.”

Mikel Lomsky is the most mature person I have interviewed in any class. His response is very accurate and wise. He is in the fifth grade.

“Just get to know each other before dating.”

Reagan Kaminsky here burst out laughing when I asked her my question. It was very interesting to compare the differences between her and Mikel, as they were sitting right next to each other, in the same grade, same class, and yet their initial reactions are so different.

“Don’t rush and make sure everything is consensual.”

Bella Lua here seems to know what she’s talking about as she is in a relationship. She was very mature. In comparison to the other kids in the eighth grade that I interviewed, she definitely took this question seriously.

“Lick her earlobes, and uhh treat yo girl with pure kindness and make sure to comfort her.”

Raven Sayers (eighth grade) here is definitely right about the last part.

“Don’t pick someone high maintenance. Don’t buy gifts; keep your money.”

Caleb Kassinove (freshman) is absolutely right. He gave a very mature response.

“Do I look like I know anything about relationships?”

Brooklyn Hatrak (freshman) seems like she’s speaking from experience.

“The honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever.”

Olivia Puetz couldn’t be more correct. She is a freshman in high school and seems like she’s already sick of all the public displays of affection.

“No, I don’t have any relationship advice!!”

Ally Bankers (senior) delivered this response over paper, but she certainly wrote aggressively. I would call this response immature, but she may just not be happy to see me.

“Don’t get in one; it ruins sports and your grades. Be really careful and learn how to balance it.”
Arsh Rehman had one of the most mature responses of his class. He is a senior.

“Listen, forgive, and explain your feelings accurately.”
Mr. Satterfield was very mature, and gave an accurate response.

“Be nice and always open minded.”

Jasmine Grace, LS Administrative Assistant, delivered this response with the appropriate amount of seriousness.

After having interviewed at least two people from a wide variety of ages, I have come to the conclusion that relationship wisdom really just depends on the person and their personal experience. Although I got a lot of giggles from the lower schoolers, I also got a lot of giggles from the seniors. As for maturity, I can confidently say that the teachers I asked were definitely the most serious. I think the levels of maturity really vary depending on the person, but once you get past the age of around twenty, you become much more serious. Thank you to all the kids and adults I interviewed!

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