the bird on fire

Really Dumb Laws in California that Don’t Need to Exist

April 30, 2021 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

For our last Editor’s Theme Pick, Evan assigned the staff, “Laws That Should be Decriminalized OR Legal Actions That Should Be Made Criminal.” After all, the world that we live in is defined by the laws that we follow. Sara found some crazy California laws that should not exist and are downright confusing.

By Sara Habibipour

Have you ever heard of really absurd laws that are just so random they make you say, “Why?” I know I do all the time. I’m sure there’s oodles more, but here’s some of the weirdest, dumbest laws in the state of California that I’ve come across.

In Carmel, California, it’s illegal to stand on the sidewalk and eat ice cream.
Also, in Carmel, women are required to have a permit to wear heels more than two inches in height. This law was authored to defend the city from lawsuits over accidents happening on the irregular pavement, although local police don’t cite any violations.
In Los Angeles, it is illegal to wash your neighbor’s car without their permission.

CSF, better not be washing your neighbor’s car (without permission, in LA).–Photo Credit: Mr. Griffin

In San Francisco and Long Beach, it is illegal to store anything other than automobiles in a garage. This law is very frequently broken!
Between 4 p.m. and 6 p.m., it is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive in Palm Springs.
In San Francisco, any person classified as “ugly” may not legally walk down any street.
A frog that dies during a frog-jumping contest cannot be eaten and must be “destroyed” as soon as possible.

It is illegal for women to drive a vehicle in a robe.
In Walnut, it is illegal to put a rock in your driveway.
In Arcadia, peacocks have the right of way in an intersection. Not pedestrians . . . peacocks.
In Eureka, it is illegal for men with mustaches to kiss a woman.
In Long Beach, it’s illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.
In Blythe, it is illegal to wear cowboy boots unless you own two or more cows.
It is illegal for any Californian to ride their bicycle through a swimming pool.
In Oakland, it is illegal to rob a bird’s nest from a cemetery.
If you’re going to rob a bank in California, don’t think about even using a water gun. It’s prohibited.
In Chico, bowling on the sidewalk is illegal.

In Dana Point, it’s illegal to poop with your bathroom window open.
In Fresno, you legally can’t annoy a lizard in the park.
In Indian Wells, foretelling the future for donations is illegal.

In San Diego, it’s illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar.

Luckily, if you break these laws it’s not necessarily an arrestable offense. But, why bother having such minor laws? What purpose do they serve in society? Do they really help maintain civil order? If you can answer that, let us know in the comments.

Decriminalize/Criminalize Editor: Evan Spry

The North American Pegasus (in the style of Dr. Seuss)

April 28, 2021 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

Taking inspiration from the late Dr. Seuss, Blogger Hannah has imagined what a classic Greek monster would look like if it adapted to her local North American environment.–Build-Your-Own-Monster Editor Erik Bearman

By Hannah Hall

Creating my own monster kind of came easily to me. I honestly just looked at Ms. Zachik’s world map, spotted Canada, and made a generalization about what mythical creature could live there. I came up with the “North American Pegasus,” which in short is a moose with wings. Here is the story of her life in the land not-so-far away:

Kiku was a moose with wings,

living in lands of kings and queens.

Her wings were made of shining gold,

with antlers gleaming in every fold.

She rescued small animals during the day

and was considered brave in every way.

Deep in the forest she ate juicy fruit,

with her favorite snack being sun-baked root.

She was friendly, loving, and good at heart,

big, strong, and very smart.

She flew to the palace every night…

dreaming of becoming a powerful knight.

But wait, the prince, kidnapped by beast!

The king sought heroes from west to east.

Kiku rescued the prince and proved her might.

She finally became the bravest knight.

*Pictured: map of where North American Pegasus live*

Build-Your-Own-Monster Editor: Erik Bearman

Be scared of what you can’t see

April 28, 2021 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

We’re building our own monsters in Blog class. Roman Rickwood’s choice creation is an invisible monster who wreaks havoc . . . even on the freeways.

By Roman Rickwood

When I first received the assignment “build your own monster,” I was confused. At first I only thought about physical traits, like being big and scary–you know like a traditional monster. I thought about the task more, and I realized that big and scary monsters are a little dated, and some would even say less scary. Personally, I am not scared of things that I can see; however, it is the things that are invisible that are most scary.

You can think of my monster as a shapeshifter that was produced to cause panic. My monster is a transformer and a professional tormentor all in one. My monster finds what your fears are and takes advantage. If you fear spiders, he’s the spider under your bed. If you’re afraid of the future, he’s the doubts in your head. If you dread embarrassment, he’ll place you in the most mortifying situations. If you don’t have any fears, he will create them. He has a mind of his own. He causes panic when there is no need to panic. He leaves entire communities grieving.

He was responsible for the world’s largest and longest-lasting highway pileup. It was an icy day on a busy interstate highway; he had clearly woken up on the wrong side of the bed. He decided to use his shapeshifting ability to morph into a giant invisible and impenetrable road block. He positioned himself at a very very slow part in the day, a time where there was very little traffic. The first vehicle that hit his transparent roadblock was a semi truck, no match for the force of the indestructible monster. For the next two hours, cars, trucks, motorcycles piled up. At this point, the monster had enough; he was bored and had done the deed. He had accomplished his goal of horrifying and dismantling. When all the dust settled, literally, he slouched on to the next haunting. But, he found little that would satisfy his hunger. He looked to feel something different, but found nothing titillating. The problems he was inflicting on others, he conjectured, were problems he had in himself.

So, he ran away to the mountains of Uzbekistan and morphed into a rock. There you will find him.

At least 6 dead in 133-car pileup in Fort Worth after freezing rain coats roads

Build-Your-Own-Monster Editor: Erik Bearman

Devil Dolls

April 26, 2021 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

Taking inspiration from horror classics and everyday objects, in our Build-Your-Own-Monster series, Blogger Elizabeth envisions a horrifying monster that is certain to keep you up at night.

By Elizabeth Shay

Dolls. The common children’s toys tainted by pop culture and horror movies. From Chucky to Anabelle…these names cause us to conjure up creepy images in our minds. The fear of dolls is so common that a word has been created to describe this affliction: pediophobia. “Pediophobia is a type of phobia . . . or an irrational fear of something that poses no actual threat” and affects more than 9% of adults in the US (Healthline).

When Editor Erik tasked us with building our own monster, I drew inspiration from movies as well as from the work of artist Shawn Coss to create my monster, a personification of pediophobia.

Appearance

The monster appears to be simply a giant doll that stands at an imposing eight feet tall. However, much like Russian nesting dolls or Oogie Boogie from Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas, the large doll nests smaller creatures inside. The outermost doll is a sentient being, but like parasites, the small dolls exist within the body cavity of the big doll, controlling its actions. The doll on the outside is a classic porcelain doll, much like Chucky or Annabelle, as the hard material provides protection to the dolls on the interior. The miniature dolls are of various styles. Artist Shawn Coss illustrated 31 phobias, including pediophobia, and the drawing provided inspiration for my monster and what I imagine to be some of the internal dolls.

Characteristics

My monster only comes out in the cover of darkness. Like the people inside the Trojan Horse, the little dolls emerge from their host doll in order to cause mischief and mayhem amongst unsuspecting people. Inside the homes of innocent families, the dolls are responsible for the mysterious and unexplained noises that seem to come from within the walls or in the unexplored attic above. They move around in the pitch black night, stealing and destroying whatever they can find. These animated dolls capture lifeless dolls and bring them back to the host where they are instilled with evil magic that turns them conscious so that the cycle of fear and destruction can repeat.

Thankfully this monster is just a figment of my imagination, but the phobia that it is based on is all too real, frightening adults and children alike. If you have dolls around, you might want to sleep with one eye open after reading this post. There are hundreds of different phobias that describe and encompass an infinite number of specific objects and situations (Healthline). Do you have any phobias? What might a monster that personifies that fear look like?

Build-Your-Own-Monster Editor: Erik Bearman

Sources:

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/pediophobia#:~:text=Pediophobia%20is%20a%20type%20of,that%20poses%20no%20actual%20threat.&text=Thinking%20about%20or%20seeing%20a,a%20type%20of%20anxiety%20disorder.

https://www.boredpanda.com/31-phobias-feartober-shawn-coss/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

A Savage Beast

April 26, 2021 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

There’s no need to build a new monster, says Evan Spry. Napoleon Dynamite created the original and best prototype.

To determine the perfect monster, a number of variables have to be aligned. I will express to you my mere opinion as to what the best monster is. For your information, my opinion should be regarded highly as I am fascinated with this topic.

Firstly, let’s get one thing straight; no ideal monster is gonna be a giant fire-breathing dragon or tentacled sea leviathan. And, before you say anything, remember that we live in a very modern world. These giant beasts won’t stand a chance against modern weapons or technology. We do have nukes. No dragon is going to take a nuke to the face and get back up. Secondly, gigantic monsters like dragons and sea creatures will be easily revealed and noticed by the global population. With the technology we have in our cell phones, we could do so much to help destroy the monster. And, for those reasons, you can’t be a dingus and choose a behemoth of a monster.

Moving on, if I asked you what the two fiercest beasts in the animal kingdom were, what would you say? Well, that’s exactly right, a lion and a tiger! Luckily, there is such a thing as a real life liger or even tigon, but you can’t find those in the wild, and they don’t even look cool. So, I will be discussing the fictional yet fantastical liger that is featured in the hit 2004 film, Napoleon Dynamite.

Mr. Napoleon does a great job of describing the ability of the liger, yet he is brief enough as to not give away any of its secrets that others could exploit. I really feel Napoleon is trying to protect his favorite animal in that way. In the film, Napoleon is confronted by a girl named Deb who asks him, “What are you drawing?” Napoleon responds by telling her that it is a liger, and when she asks him what a liger is he says, “It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed… bred for its skills in magic” (quotes.net). Just imagine how powerful this beast would be. Now, you may be thinking that this magical liger doesn’t count as a monster, but wait till you see Napoleon’s extremely accurate illustration.

The liger as seen in *Napoleon Dynamite*

As you can see, this deadly creature could easily blend into the wild as a genetic mutation or just a weird looking lion while also inflicting damage at a major scale. Personally, I don’t need a liger because I don’t want to commit any major crimes. But, if I did, I could use the liger for so many things like robbing zoos, destroying things/people, and just pure intimidation. Anyways, the best monster would be something a bit off the grain, more of a thinking man’s monster, like a liger.

Build-Your-Own Monster Editor: Erik Bearman

Source:

https://www.quotes.net/mquote/66636

The Deep Sea

April 23, 2021 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

When Blog Editor Erik asked the Staff writers to build their own monsters, Jake chose to describe a terrible sea monster in poetic terms.

By Jake Sonderman

Sometimes, the monster that is scariest is

the one you can’t see. The one you cannot see,

but you know is there. It’s waiting for you in

the depths far below, watching your two limbs flee.

That’s why sailors, by far, have the most courage.

There is always the chance the ground disappears.

And if, God forbid, it did, who would notice?

No one is watching except the distant pier.

Life requires many leaps into unknown.

You become the sailor on the blue monster.

The ground is gone and you find yourself alone

No land in sight, for miles–only water.

Frightening, but you have to swim to safety;

There’s no monster but yourself in the deep sea.

Build-Your-Own-Monster Editor: Erik Bearman

Monsters Based on Societal Fears

April 23, 2021 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

Editor Erik asked the Blog Staff to take inspiration and build their own monsters. Blogger Sara chose to envision what fears our society might have in future, and what sorts of monsters would reflect those fears.

By Sara Habibipour

From vampires to zombies, the monsters that filmmakers have depicted in movies say a lot about universal fears in our society. For example, in the 1980s, there was a surge in vampire films that coincided with the AIDS pandemic. And, fears of nuclear war can be heavily seen throughout Godzilla.

But, as life goes on, and as we progress as a society, new fears naturally arise. What monsters will we see within the next decade as a result of these new fears?

Climate Change

Perhaps we will begin to see more monsters in movies related to climate change. I envision this monster not as a physical being, rather more of a dark cloud-like presence that has the ability to wreak havoc through emitting smog, raining acid rain, or simply not rain at all to create droughts. I envision this monster also having the ability to shapeshift into a fire-creature that melts ice caps and sparks wildfires, all things that climate change has led to.

Disease

After experiencing the hardships of the COVID-19 pandemic, I’m sure there will be a future monster related to it; we’ve all been affected by the pandemic, and we all perceive it negatively. And, whether we realize it or not, as a society, we have some trauma attached to the COVID situation (which, although unfortunate, movie makers will most likely capitalize on in the future). Although I initially envisioned this “monster of disease” to look more like a plague doctor, I think a monster wearing a mask similar to the ones we all currently wear will be more triggering to us if we were to see it in a movie a decade from now.

Autonomous AI

A few years ago, Facebook had to shut down an AI system after robots created a language that humans couldn’t understand. Even before then, fears of AI’s capabilities soared. But, since that event, where we realized that robots could communicate without human oversight, those fears heightened. We have already seen AI takeovers happen in several movies, but with this becoming more of a reality, I hypothesize that we’ll see more drastic interpretations of AI in stories. In previous movies, AI is typically represented as your typical metal robot. Although, I think that will be a pretty accurate representation for future movies as well. Because these AI are becoming more of a reality, I think it would be scarier if they were depicted with more human-like features so that you couldn’t distinguish between the real humans and the robots.

These are just a few future-related fears that could spark the creation of new monsters in the media. But, who knows what other societal fear-based monsters there could be? Something could happen tomorrow that could forever change our perception of scary creatures….

Build-Your-Own-Monster Editor: Erik Bearman

How low can you go?

April 21, 2021 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

Hannah had to do a bit of searching to find a world record she thought she could beat. After much looking, she found that a record was only five hours away.–World Records Editor Jake Sonderman

By Hannah Hall

As I was cruising the Guinness World Records, a specific record caught my attention: Highest Dinner Party. The record itself is a dinner party of ten hosted on April 30th, 2018, on Mt. Everest in China. The dinner’s altitude was roughly 23,149 ft high! I thought this record was pretty difficult to beat, but it did open me up to the idea of something similar. I believe that I can hold the world record for the world’s lowest dinner party. There are a few ways that this could go down—pun intended.

As I was pitching this proposition to the Blog team, Erik mentioned the Mariana Trench. I thought maybe I could take a submarine and trek down to the bottom of it and have a dinner party there. But, the thing is, I feel like this record is supposed to be on some sort of land mass. The reason I am led to believe this is because, otherwise, the “highest dinner party” could occur on a plane. Don’t those things fly at like 40k feet high?? So, this thought in itself made me back out of the deep-sea feast.

As I was continuing to research the lowest places on Earth, I came across many land-based locations that were below sea level. I saw that I could go eat in Africa at the Qattara Depression which sits at 482 ft below sea level. This would require me to get on a plane all the way to Africa though, and that’s a lot of time spent, allowing, possibly, somebody else to break the record before me. Other problems include it only being the second lowest place in Africa and the fact it is unclear whether this point is below water or on land. So, I kept searching.

I then thought, I could just smack the record right in the face and go straight to the actual lowest place on Earth, the Dead Sea, located beside Jordan and Israel. The Dead Sea’s shore is roughly 1400 ft below sea level. And, a fact about the Dead Sea is that its water is receding at one meter per year, which is sad, but it just means more room for my dinner party. But, yet again, I am faced with the same plane-time dilemma. Again, the search went on; luckily, the perfect option appeared to me soon after.

I thought I could have the dinner party in our home state of California in Death Valley. Death Valley is actually the lowest point in America and has a depth of 282 ft below sea level. Interestingly enough, if I have a dinner party here, I would be beating two records: Lowest Dinner Party, and Lowest Dinner Party in America (and maybe Hottest Dinner Party). That in itself intrigues me. The ride over to Death Valley is roughly five hours. I think I could make it happen.

I hope that one day this record will be broken, whether or not it is by me. It is something cool to have in the books! At least, I will always know, I had the idea first.

World Records Editor: Jake Sonderman

Sources:

https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/highest-dinner-party

https://www.deadsea.com/articles-tips/places-below-sea-level-worlds-lowest-elevation-points/

https://earth.esa.int/web/earth-watching/image-of-the-week/content/-/article/the-dead-sea

The Lowest Point in Every U.S. State

Live Footage of Roman (almost?) Breaking World Records

April 21, 2021 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

We often have high hopes in life. Roman, a professional eater, saw world records for saltine crackers and marshmallows and thought: “Easy!”–World Records Editor Jake Sonderman

By Roman Rickwood

The Saltine Cracker

When I started to research records I thought I could break, I searched for a very specific record–something to do with food.

When I first saw that the world record for most saltine crackers eaten in a minute was 12, I immediately assumed that I could beat that. I said to myself: “I eat saltine crackers all the time; this is going to be a breeze.” Well, it was not, I underestimated the power of the saltine cracker. As many know, saltine crackers are incredibly dry and salty. Most of the time, when someone eats them, they are eating them to calm their stomach. I like to eat them as a snack, and for that reason I thought it would be easy to eat 12, 13, or even 14 in a minute. It wasn’t, the fine print in this challenge was that water was not allowed. Without water, a build up of saltine crackers got stuck in my mouth, and I could not swallow them. I was shocked at this sensation, and at this point I knew that the saltine had won.

https://youtu.be/n6yjuvpPc5U

So, I moved on to . . .

The Marshmallow

The second record that I believed I could easily break was the record for most marshmallows eaten in a minute. The current record is 26. This record seemed average to me. It was one of those niche records where at first glance the number does not appear to be very impressive. Again, no water was allowed. When water is allowed, I have seen numbers thrown out as high as 80 marshmallows in a minute. I am a person who enjoys food. I also am considered a fast eater. I went into both challenges expecting to easily shatter the record; however, both times I was sorely mistaken. As you will see, the marshmallows went down much easier than the saltine crackers; however, because of the density and tension that the marshmallow has, it too created a build up, and I only ended up eating 18. I was 8 shy of the record.

https://youtu.be/RkAGO2NAu4E

Would I attempt this again?

No, plain and simple. I enjoy food. And, while I am a fast eater, I am not a speed eater. I am not cut out for it. The effects of attempting these challenges included me not eating dinner that night–a travesty, I know. However, in all seriousness, the saltine cracker challenge did leave little cuts in the roof off my mouth, and, because of that, it made eating not so enjoyable for about a day. Now, knowing what I know, I have respect for every world record, no matter how specific or crazy it might be. They are world records for a reason.

World Record Editor: Jake Sonderman

Congratulations, PVS Academic World Quest

April 21, 2021 by szachik@pvs.org 4 Comments

Left to Right: Jake Sonderman, Sara Habibipour, Coach Mrs. Coffey, Elizabeth Shay, and Evan Spry

For the first time in Palm Valley history, our high school Academic World Quest team won First Place out of eight other schools in the Coachella Valley. Team members included Jake Sonderman, Sara Habibipour, Elizabeth Shay, Evan Spry and Coach Andrea Coffey.

Although this would normally mean that they could go to Washington D.C., they competed virtually in the national Academic World Quest competition. Out of 105 teams across the United States, the Palm Valley team ranked 14th!

Academic World Quest is a competition about foreign affairs, international relations, and current events. Here are the topics that each member specialized in:

Jake: The Post-Pandemic Economy, Exploring Peace in a World of Conflict, India-Pakistan relations, China-Latin America relations, and the International Labor Organization.
Sara: Global Protests, U.S. Foreign Service in the 21st Century, Red Sea conflict, America’s approach to Artificial Intelligence, and Uzbekistan.
Elizabeth: Fraying Alliances, U.S. Foreign Service in the 21st Century, Modern Slavery and Human Trafficking, Philippines-US relations, and the International Labor Organization.
Evan: The Arab Spring: 10 years later, Climate Change, US-Northern Triangle relations, Exploring Peace in a World of Conflict, and Uzbekistan.

If this sounds interesting to you, consider joining World Quest next year!

Source: AWQ winner and thebirdonfire.org blogger Sara Habibipour.