the bird on fire

Chapter 5, page 246-247 of my life: The Levi Manifesto

November 1, 2022 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Junior Novelist Levi Kassinove

Years ago, universities asked applicants to role play they’d written a novel of their life and to open up that hypothetical novel to p. 246 and to share it with the admissions committee. I asked the same of the Blog Staff. This is Levi’s p. 246.
Blog Advisor Zachik

This is a chapter from my teenage years.

…with a look of horror painted across their faces. I had realized at that point that anything was possible. Upon asking this utterly ridiculous request, there was a hint in the eyes of my peers that said yes. Yet another obsession had successfully scratched the itch in my brain that would otherwise leave me endlessly bored. Passion only ultimately leaves me hungry for more.

That is why I am against the advancement of knowledge.

A million billion years from now, when the last optimization for society has been implemented, when we have understood the last concept, and when we have found a cure for the last disease, only then will we realize that our quality of life hasn’t improved. Are things really any different now? Will they be different then? People want to live longer just so they can live longer. What then when we die? Is there really so much of a difference between living 50, 100, or 1000 years? No matter how much we “improve,” the hedonic treadmill will pull our happiness back to its baseline. 2000 years ago, if someone broke their leg, they would probably die or live pretty uncomfortably for a while, but they would adapt before they die. Nowadays, we get a cast and heal, and, still, we adapt all the same. Humans adapt to their situations as a coping mechanism. There is no such thing as improvement. Only the desire for advancement, which boils down to greed. Understanding the universe is for the sole purpose of understanding the universe. Science is an addiction, perhaps one that has short term and foreseeable benefits, but ultimately it becomes an addiction given enough time. I’d say enough time has passed for us to see that science will eventually lead to our doom.

Note: I didn’t start this in medias res because I’m pretentious; I did it to protect myself–from Indy. Here, I don’t have to reveal everything. At some point, depending on the life you choose, you get so paranoid that you end up destroying all of your work out of fear of not being accepted. And the constant jokes get annoying as well.
Levi Kassinove

People want knowledge because they want power, and people want power because they like having dominion. It is in our blood to strive for control. But, it is unfair. Inherently there are always people being controlled. The people in power believe that they can mold us to do anything. They think they can make us think any way. They think they can make us behave any way. But, we are not characterized by tabula rasa. Freedom is the essence of life. Animals, with their animalistic behavior, have total freedom over what they do. The people who want power think of humanity as beyond animals, and therefore beyond freedom. They think we are too civilized for freedom. We are not above animals. To be humble is to live in harmony. It is to be free. This was my request to my family.

I wanted to contribute to the global effort to free ourselves from tyranny. I wanted to be Neo from The Matrix. And, that’s exactly what I did. During the birth of my obsession, people obviously got tired of it. They got tired of my inability to talk about something other than this. But, when they started to see results, they started to get interested. They started supporting me. They did not regret their decision to let me essentially…be free. My goal is not to grow so big in my personal effort that I single-handedly change the world. My goal is to plant the seeds, so that others may water them.

The Case for Poetry Out Loud

November 1, 2022 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Junior Indy Behr

It’s that time of year when PVS students wander the halls mumbling lines of verse under their breath. It’s time, again, for the annual Palm Valley School Poetry Recitation–something we’ve done at PVS for fifty years. Parents have told me Poetry Recitation Finals are their favorite PVS assemblies. And, English teachers seem convinced the world is a better place with poetry in it. Students, however, don’t . . . always respond with joy at the prospect of reciting poetry before crowds. Indy Behr argues poetry reciting is good for us–kind of like taking your vitamins.
Blog Advisor Zachik

Recently, Alyna Llapitan authored an article, “An Ick I’ve Had,” advocating for changes to Palm Valley’s annual Poetry Recitation Competition–a competition that, in the Upper School, segues into the national Poetry Out Loud competition. Personally, I enjoy this annual tradition, and I also think it offers valuable learning opportunities for students.

Poetry Out Loud is a national poetry recitation competition that occurs annually. About ten years ago, Palm Valley melded its 50-year-old Poetry Recitation with national Poetry Out Loud standards. While students in nearly all grades still participate in Palm Valley’s Poetry Recitation, in the Upper-School English classes, students pick primarily poems from the Poetry Out Loud anthology. Typically, guest judges are brought into classes for one day. They choose 2-3 winners per each class, depending on class size. Those winners move on to the Upper-School finals.

I think that Poetry Out Loud is great because it teaches students two very valuable things that will be useful throughout their lives. Firstly, it teaches students how to speak with confidence. I understand that some people really dislike speaking in front of others, and I have had that fear myself, but if you go through high school without attempting to combat this, you will face many hurdles in your career. Speaking with confidence is a skill that is crucial in almost every career imaginable. Secondly, Poetry Out Loud teaches students about not just the value of poetry, but the value of literature as a whole. Though perhaps not all careers involve it, being familiar with literature and having an appreciation for it is something that will help everyone in my opinion. Cultural context and exploration can effectively be taught through these poetry recitations, and we learn about many poets as well as different types of poetry through this program.

Alyna made the point that Palm Valley should consider having students perform only in front of the judges rather than having to perform in front of their entire class. While I understand where she is coming from, I think this defeats the purpose of this competition being a way for students to feel more comfortable performing in front of several people. When you have to present a plan to your office at a job later in your life, you will be doing it in front of thirty people, not three. She is correct that in 9th grade we opted for performing solely for judges; however, this was due to the pandemic, and this is the reason we reverted to the original system the following year.

Overall, I do very much sympathize with those who are against the Poetry Recitation continuing in its current form. Despite this, I still think that these opponents could still learn several valuable things from this competition, and I wholeheartedly support it remaining in place.

*Join us the the Upper-School Poetry Recitation Finals on Friday, December 9, at 2:15. Do you have middle-school recitators you want to cheer for? Join us for the Middle-School Poetry Recitation Finals on Tuesday, December 6, at 1:10.

The desert rain

October 27, 2022 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

When I say, “Write a poem,” Penny says, “Done.” She tells me she hasn’t lived in the desert all her life. It must be the deep roots of her family connection because she captures here the miracle of rain in the desert.
Blog Advisor Zachik

By 7th-Grader Penny Andreas

The mountains blocked the sun

From the night that was disguising

The clouds started to come

And the wind started rising

The soft droplets fell

As the pavement darkened

With the sweet smell of rain

The dry sat there still

Thunder stroke

And lightning flashed

The clouds all shook

This empty land

The palm trees swayed

And the streets flooded

Healing the broken

And the decayed

Hej Slaveni!*

October 26, 2022 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Junior Remy Haring

In a series of stories told in multiple perspectives from all over the world–collectively known as the Kaiserreich Files (inspired by the titular mod for Hearts of Iron IV), blogger Remy Haring explores an alternate history, one in which the Central Powers win the First World War.

Vienna, Austrian Empire

September 23, 1936,–the day I will never forget:

“We are Slavs, and we are angry. For over 800 years our people have been under the boot of the Austrians. Our languages are being replaced by German; we aren’t allowed to wear our traditional clothing, and now Orthodox Christianity has been banned. The new prime minister Jörg Lanz Von Liebenfels openly calls us a “lower species.” Every one of us–Czechs, Slovakians, Polish, Ukrainians, Serbians, Bosnians, Croatians, Slovenians and Montenegrins– needs to come together to throw that fossil out of parliament. We make up 47% of the population. Imagine what we can accomplish when we work together!”
Professor Lazar Palić

This is the speech my professor delivered to the crowd before we began marching on Vienna. We were waving pan-slavic flags of blue, white and red stripes. Some protestors were holding up signs that said, “Justice for Gavrilo Princip!” It was he who killed the heir to the Austrian Throne and started the Great War. The Austrians see him as a terrorist, where we Slavs view him as a martyr for the slavic people.

The school band and choir were playing Hej Slaveni! The crowd was chanting “Ujedinjenje ili smrt! Unification or death!” I was flying the Croatian flag and chanting. I felt so much hope then for a future where us slavs were free, but I also felt fear for how the government would respond, and then I felt pride for my people uniting for our survival and justice–justice against the empire that had oppressed us for far too long.

But, my roiling emotions were overshadowed when we reached the Vienna Parliament. Police dressed in full riot gear lined up in front of us. Machine gun emplacements were set up around the street. However, the riot police did not fire upon us. That is, until we saw Prime Minister Jörg Lanz von Liebenfels himself. He was a short, old, balding man with small, circular glasses. The only thing that really stood out about him was his white, priestly robe with a bright red cross on his chest. He didn’t address us. Without any sound of conviction or emotion, he ordered the police:

“Clean the streets of this human filth.”

… I don’t remember what happened after that.

*Hey Slavs! A pan-slavic patriotic song

Unpopular Opinion – Biden’s Got It Wrong Over Student Loan Debt

October 26, 2022 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

A Think Piece By Junior Luke Sonderman or Luke Says

I’m going to start off the article by saying that I do not believe that people should have to spend their whole lives paying off student loans with ridiculous amounts of interest. But, is President Biden’s Student Loan Forgiveness program a good solution to the problem? Absolutely not. Let me explain.

Forgiving current student loans may relieve financial stress off of current student debt holders, but there are many negative effects to the plan.

Permanent Solution?

First of all, forgiving student loans is not a permanent solution. There are still millions of students taking on student loans in the United States every year. Instead of spending 400 billion on student-loan forgiveness, why doesn’t the government find ways to lower the cost of public college or spend the money on building new schools that will be more cost friendly? (forbes.com)

Inflation

In August, inflation was up 8.3% for 2022 (usinflationcalculator.com). The past two years have had record-breaking amounts of inflation in the U.S., especially due to government spending. Biden’s plan to circulate 400 billion more dollars into the US economy through student loan forgiveness will only increase inflation more (cnbc.com).

Fairness

By awarding loan forgiveness to those who still are burdened by student loan debt, the government is not honoring the Americans who went through the same burdens and struggles, but fully paid off their debt in the past. If forgiveness is given, it should be given across the board to everyone who has had to pay student loans, no matter their circumstance.

Free Education

At this point if student loan forgiveness is given to all people who carry or have carried student loans, then why not just make public post-secondary education free. Around 2% of taxes go to public schools (afterschoolalliance.org). Wouldn’t it make more sense to increase taxes and make college education free?

Maybe my mind lives in a little idealistic world far off in wonderland, but Biden’s Forgiveness Plan really just seems like a short-term money spender to make people happy. It isn’t the long-term solution that we need in America.

Picnic at the edge of time

October 25, 2022 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Junior Levi Kassinove

Something is in the air, and it’s not autumn. The annual Palm Valley School Poetry Recitation quickly approaches. I asked our bloggers to speak to, for, against, about poetry–or compose their own original verse. Levi and his soul ask “Why?”
Blog Advisor Zachik

On a large beach towel

Draped across humble grass

Ideas ferment

What is ascent?

Surrounded by reality and griffins

A lost soul gazes in an esoteric direction

It sees smoke arising from fiery grass

Missiles of infinite malice flying through space

Screams of regret

Of lost hope

The soul turns to a brilliant light sitting beside it

“Why?”

Experience is the essence of life

The light homogenizes back into the universe

Time is an arbitrary concept

It’s not too late to start over

Because the god of wisdom

Is you

Fünfundfünfzig Tage in Peking

October 25, 2022 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Junior Remy Haring

In a series of stories told from multiple perspectives from all over the world– collectively known as the Kaiserreich Files (inspired by the titular mod for Hearts of Iron IV), blogger Remy Haring explores an alternate history, one in which the Central Powers win the First World War.

Hong Kong, German East Asia

June 23, 1936

First it was Black Monday, then Poland left the German Empire, next a civil war in the Qing Empire breaks out, after that a crazy guy seized power in Mongolia–Roman Von Ungern-Sternberg–while claiming to be the reincarnation of Genghis Khan, and now there’s a revolution in Indochina; ach, mein Gott! What is even happening?

I was on my routine patrol of the waterfront. The night was clear, no clouds, no birds, not even the sound of a foghorn; it was just the stars. It made me forget that there was a massive civil war going on just outside the walls of Hong Kong and that my family had to wait in bread lines back in Frankfurt. My nightly patrol revealed streets covered in sewage and trash, water a greenish-black color, and houses diminished to little more than ramshackle piles of brick and tarp. Rats and cats scuttled all over the dingy streets. Towering over this squalor was the battleship SMS Hohenzollern; with all the lights and whatnot it almost looked like a city skyline itself. My patrol that night was pretty uneventful. No one was out. The most action I got was humming 55 Tage in Peking while smoking a cigarette. Unfortunately, there was no way I was getting the smell of sewage and trash out of my uniform.

June 24, 1936

The next day I was patrolling the urban part of the city. There were sightings of a skirmish between the Qing Dynasty and the socialist Left Kuomintang (KMT) not far from the city, so now the military high command was on high alert. The urban center was crowded with street vendors hawking. The streets were filled with pedestrians, donkeys, bikes, etc. The patrol here was a significant step up from the waterfront, but even here there was still tons of poverty. There were beggars on street corners and bread lines stretching blocks. The Black Monday crash has not been kind to this city.

While patrolling a market square, a little kid, clutching her mom’s dress, pointed at me and said, “Fritz!” I had some food rations in a bag. I kneeled and handed the child a biscuit and the mother some preserved meat. Tears gathered in the eyes of the mother, and she gave me a hug. She said in broken German, “d-danke schön,” and the child had the biggest grin I’ve ever seen. The two left the line and went back toward the houses. My lunch was some fried noodles I got from a street vendor. I sat down at the curb and began eating. I’m telling you, it was so much better than the stale biscuits and meat drowning in preserves that made up my diet for the past year or so. All seemed peaceful, until my commanding officer Heinrich approached me. I stood.

“Sir?” I asked.

“The Chinese Civil war has spilled over here. Left KMT positions are shelling us. Your job is to evacuate the civilians to shelters. Go now!” Heinrich barked.

And, then, I began hearing it: the pack pack of rifles and the distant concussive blast of artillery. The marketplace devolved into chaos. I began directing crowds into the bomb shelters. Everyone in the street was panicking and running around like mad. I had to get up on a box to move everyone to a little shelter in the basement of a shop. It was a tiny, metal room with shelves filled with canned goods–that were soon picked clean by the refugees. Overhead I heard the whistling and subsequent explosion of a shell and the sounds of gunfire. At least I managed to get some people out of harm’s way.

*55 Days at Peking

Dino Diet

October 20, 2022 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Junior Luke Sonderman

As our final health post, we return again to the issue of diet. Luke . . . has some concerns regarding an all-meat diet.

Hate to break it to all the vegans, but humans are supposed to eat meat. Now, if you want to hear my opinion on veganism you can read my blog article I wrote last year (“The Most Unhealthy Diet That Is Spreading Fast“). I’m here now to talk about the polar opposite of veganism: Carnivorism.

What is a carnivore diet?

A carnivore diet is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. It is a diet that consists of only animal products and excludes all vegetables, fruits, nuts, legumes, and all other non-animal foods (health.clevelandclinic.org). To someone who loves meat, this diet may sound like heaven. But, there are lots of downsides to this diet (just like there are downsides to the vegan diet).

Upsides to the carnivore diet

This diet consists of lots of protein and fat, but near zero carbs.

Low carb diets are actually very popular when it comes to weight loss, but to be honest low-carb diets are just diets for people too lazy to hit the gym, jump on a Peloton, or just knock out some push ups every morning. The body transforms carbs into glucose (sugars) which can be used as energy. The thing is if you don’t use that energy (go to that spin class, do that hot yoga, hit the gym, go for a run)… then that glucose becomes fat.

The reason all of that doesn’t apply to this diet is because with the massive protein and fat diet, you can get ridiculously shredded from the amount of protein you are consuming while having energy from the fats. With no carbs, when you work out, the theory is you will keep a low body fat percentage and increase muscle mass.

Downsides to the carnivore diet

To keep things plain and simple, this diet is considerably as deadly as Trump’s McDonald’s diet which consists of McDonald’s Egg McMuffins for breakfast, meatloaf sandwiches for lunch, and a McDonald’s order of two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish sandwiches for dinner (theculturetrip.com). But seriously, the amount of saturated fat in this diet is absolutely ridiculous. Lots of saturated fat equals a high cholesterol which will lead to heart disease. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Eating too much protein can also cause kidney issues, which is yet another reason why this diet can KILL YOU.

An Ick I’ve Had

October 20, 2022 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

Alyna’s True Feelings for the Traditional PVS Poetry Recitation

At Palm Valley school, it is mandatory for grades 3rd to 12th to participate in the Poetry Recitation once a year. Basically what students have to do is memorize a poem, recite it in front of their classmates and judges–who determine which students go on to the next round. The number of lines is different for each grade, but when you’re in high school, you most likely memorize at least 13-14 lines. This is usually the time of year where I want to disappear as I hate having to speak in front of people.

Why do I hate the Poetry Recitation so much?

It’s not about having to memorize lines as a grade, or about projecting my voice for once. It’s about reciting my poem in front of the class. I hate speaking in front of the class, whether it is a presentation or even just a few words added to a discussion. I tend to stutter or stammer over my words when I have to speak for a period of time to a group of people. I am okay with speaking in front of very few people, but with a huge group of people? No thanks. Other people have other opinions about the Poetry Recitation. They say that they hate the judging, or that they don’t like memorizing 14 lines, or that they dislike making eye contact with an audience. Some even say they like the Poetry Recitation and the opportunity to advance to the nationwide Poetry Out Loud competition (looking at you, Indy Behr).

For me, I hate being in front of the class. The class is usually silent when I recite, and I feel all eyes on me. I hate that. I feel like all the eyes are just studying me.

Another solution?

I’m not saying that we should just not do the Poetry Recitation as I think it is a good way to have people practice enunciating words and expressing emotion. But, I feel that there can be one way we can switch it a little.

I’m fine with talking to judges, so talking to JUST judges would be nice. I remember seeing this in 9th grade when there would only be the student, the teacher, and the judges. That way, other students can focus on their poems–outside the competition room–without having to hear the person speaking.

I think that the Poetry Recitation is a nice way to get other students to practice speaking, but there is always going to be this tiny grudge in my chest that would always make me resent it. There should be options as to how to deliver a well-phrased poem.

An Opinion Penned by Junior Alyna Rei

Save me

October 20, 2022 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

I challenged the blog staff to write a short story. Luke was especially happy about that. Penny took up the challenge with her own fish tale.
Blog Advisor Zachik

A Short Story by Middle-Schooler Penny Andreas

“Welcome! Welcome Ladies and Gentleman to the ‘Great World Circus!’” Thomas W. Ratgrape stood in front of the crowd, feeding off of their applause. His great big smile on his face stood out in the spotlight, and his brightly colored red suit shone in the circus ring.

“Thank you. Thank you, everyone. No, really, I mean it. Now, first up, we have your one, and only, ‘Dancing Monkey!’”

The brass music boomed over the speaker. Thomas rushed behind the curtain, his support-staff followers running after him.

“Sir, you go back on after the monkey.”

“Sir, sir, your suit is unbuttoning!”

“Sir Your father wants to–”

“JUST SHUT UP!” Thomas yelled. “I DO NOT CARE! JUST GET ME THAT FISH!”

Everyone looked at each other, wondering who should move first.

“WELL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THE FISH ISN’T GOING TO COME BY ITSELF!”

They all started running again, worried that their master, Thomas, would yell and fire them. Soon enough, the monkey was done dancing, and the crowd was becoming bored. Thomas quickly looked around, desperately looking to see if the fish was there.

“Gertrude! Gertrude, where is the fish?” Thomas frantically said to Gertrude, who was the janitor of the circus.

“I dunno,” she said.

Thomas sighed and quickly started to pace across the maroon carpet.

“I’ve got it! I’ve got the fish coming throoooooough!”

“Lacey? You were the last person I thought would get the fish. Is it well? Eh, no matter, we have to get it on!”

Thomas ran out of the curtains and quickly took his spotlight. The music stopped, and a loud drum roll burst out of the speakers.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the amazing, magnificent ‘Talking Fish!’”

Gertrude placed the giant fish tank onto the scooter, and rolled it out into the circus ring. The fish, Margarine, tried to swim, but her tank was too small. She couldn’t even move.

“How incredibly rude. What do they even want me to do?” Margarine asked. She looked beyond her dirty, small glass like aquarium, and saw the crowd. Her eyes were blinded by the lights. She refused to look at the crowd and tried to turn her head. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Thomas and his mean, stink-eye glare. He slowly walked over to her.

“Fish, if you don’t start talking, I will make your life worse than it is.”

He walked away squinting at her. Margarine floated there, speechless. What am I supposed to do? She pushed on the glass, daring to break it, daring an escape. The glass was strong, yet Margarine was stronger. That glass popped out and shattered on the hard cement ground. Water spilled out, creating a tidal wave that carried Margarine across the ground. She frantically tried to swim, hoping she could make it to the clear water pond just outside the door of the tent. She was almost there when Thomas stepped in front of her and picked her up. He apologized to the bored audience and quickly walked backstage. As soon as he was behind the curtain, he threw the fish against the wall into a water tank.

“HOW DARE YOU EMBARRASS ME IN FRONT OF MY PEOPLE?! MY AUDIENCE?! YOU ARE A DISGRACE! YOU SHOULD BE SORRY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!”

He stormed out of the room, leaving Margarine alone in the dark. She swam to the bottom of the tank, and belly flopped onto the gravel. She longed for her sweet, clean, clear pond that they polluted in order to capture her. She missed her poor family, swimming alone in the river to which they were transferred. She missed them so dearly. But at that moment, *click*.

The custodian Gertrude walked through the door and turned on the lights. She took out her mop and bucket of water and started to clean the floor.

“Hello, Gertrude,” said Margarine.

“AHHHHHHHHH!” Gertrude yelled, dropping her mop.

“Well, don’t be frightened for goodness sake. I was only being polite.

”Gertrude stared at her in awe. How could the fish be speaking? Was she dreaming? Was she even alive?

“You really speak? How?”

Margarine laughed.

“I don’t really know. I just started to talk one day. But when the world found out, they captured me, and pulled me into this…this horrible place.”

“Well, I guess we are similar in that way. I wanted to go to college, but I got fired from my job and lost all my money and had to work at this dump.”

“Perhaps we could someday escape, though that day would be far far away due to the situation here,” Margarine sighed.

That’s when Gertrude had an idea. They could escape. They could get out of this miserable, terrible, horrible place.

Gerturde jumped up into the air. “I know how we can escape!”

Margarine was delighted. “How might we do that?”

“Tomorrow night, when you perform for the last time, you can tell the audience how bad Thomas is treating you, and then they will have to all leave, and right then we could leave, too!”

Margarine was thrilled. She was so happy with the thought that she could see her loving family and pond again. That night, she slept for the first time.

The next day, Margarine woke up with joy, but suddenly it diminished like water on fire. She awoke to everyone running around, yelling, and frantically waving their arms. Thomas was not around surprisingly. At the corner of her eye, she noticed Gertrude standing with her mop. Gertrude met eyes with Margarine, and broke a small smile.

“WHAT IS ALL THE CHAOS?!” Thomas suddenly walked into the main room. Everybody froze and immediately turned to Lacey. Thomas started to slowly walk across the room.

“What…is going….on?” snarled Thomas.

Lacey’s eyes were wide open, and her legs were trembling. She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

“I-I–I…I LOST THE MONKEY!” Lacey started to cry. She went down on her knees. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

Thomas looked down at her like a hawk watching its prey from above. He walked silently to the back of the room.

“Find it. Or else,” Thomas said. He walked out of the room, smoke metaphorically fuming out of his ears. Gertrude rushed over to Margarine.

“Don’t worry,” whispered Gertrude, “I stole the dancing monkey, and I’m going to replace it with a normal foolish monkey.”

Margarine sighed, worried that the plan wouldn’t work. She swam to the top of the tank and said, “He will have to put me on instead, and then we can escape?”

“Precisely,” smiled Gertrude. She then walked away and went back to her mopping.

Two hours later, Thomas prepared for the show, for he was on in 5 minutes.

“Are we prepared? Is everything ready? Where is the monkey?”

Gertrude pretended to be rushed and threw herself onto the ground, the fake monkey in her hand. “I’ve found it!”

Thomas looked down at her. “Thank you,” he said, and he snatched the monkey out of her hand and walked off.

Gertrude was thrilled as she got up off of the ground. She was ready to get out of this dump.

The music started to grow out of the big bass speakers, and the spotlights circled around the circus ring.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome once again to the circus!”

The loud brass music played, which was heard from backstage, where Gertrude and Margarine were desperately waiting to see the magnificent fail of Thomas.

“First up, I will joyfully present to you, the one, the only…Dancing Monkey!”

The spotlight appeared suddenly on a miniature stage, with the fake monkey on it. The monkey blocked the light with his hands, and ran off the tiny stage to the door and ran out. Thomas stood there speechless, surprised that he had just lost the monkey. His mind quickly turned to the crowd though, and he rushed to take the spotlight.

“Well, that was unexpected! To keep your interest, I want to show you the magnificent, amazing “Talking Fish!” Thomas said nervously.

Gertrude pushed Margarine to the center of the dusty stage. Margarine looked out to the crowd, hoping this would work.

“Hi. My name is Margarine. I am a talking fish. And although many people stare at me in awe when I speak, some people treat me wrong for it. They give me small fish tanks, which smell and are unclean. They also force me to talk and punish me if I don’t. I don’t like the disrespect at all. I find it quite rude. And these people, they are horrible. And I know one person who is like this. Thomas W. Ratgrape.”

The audience gasped when they heard this, and immediately refused to stay in the circus tent any longer. People demanded their money back, and some climbed out of the seats. Soon enough, people were carrying Margarine’s fish tank outside, and placing her in a beautiful pond outside of the circus. Gertrude followed, cheering for her and Margarine’s freedom.

And they all lived happily ever after. Except Thomas W. Ratgrape.