The Bird is the Word: Sophisticated Schoolyard Shenanigans
By Makena Behnke
i am trapped
today i came to the realization that i am trapped
there are very few days that i feel like this
that statement is false
i feel very small once i think deeply about myself
that statement is true
i know who i am
that statement is both true and false
Editor: Peter Kadel
By Renée Vazquez A.
Most people find it ridiculous
that I dare call myself foreign.
My skin is pale,
I’ve lived here for years;
I have no accent, with a few exceptions,
But yet, I am foreign.
I have not the loyalty or the indebted view
that many immigrants do.
But yet, I am foreign.
I feel foreign.
I was raised foreign.
I manage a very different perspective
on various things.
I read foreign.
I speak foreign.
But not in the crowd,
no, not in front of those near me,
for I have enough sense not to stand out.
I miss my country’s culture,
it’s rich long history,
and the kindness of its people
and the food they eat.
I scowl in resentment,
when my native place is mocked.
Especially when those people are ignorant
or just plain wrong.
Don’t get me wrong; I see its faults.
I know that it is flawed.
But not in those ways that are said by some.
But, in many ways, I’m foreign there too,
in the ways that I’m foreign here as well.
For sometimes I feel I am a foreigner of the world.
Editor: A.J. Patencio
By Peter Kadel
The trees sigh
The mountains howl
The rivers roar
The plains rumble as thousands of hooves stamp and pound across them
The desert deafens you with utter silence
And the sky accepts this noise and waits for it to disappear
Listen
The songbirds twitter and titter
Their wings beat as they whistle and tweet
The hawk lets out a piercing cry with the same lovely twang as an old guitar
The placid lake prefers silence wishing to listen to the lyrical beauty the frogs have to offer
And the fish are the glorious percussion as they leap through the glassy surface and then slap back down like a lazy drummer
Listen
The bow of a ship scrapes and scratches against gravely beaches
Metal tools clatter and clang as foolish explorers build monuments to materialism
Black powder ignites and lethal projectiles fly forward snuffing out our most precious treasure–life
The aggressors’ voices drown out the screams of Mother Nature and her children
Listen
Her anguished cries subside to gentle sobs as coal iron and timber are extracted and used to fuel the machine
Cities like arteries are linked by roads like veins bringing the stolen life to those undeserving of it
Gears and engines turn and grind a roar and devour the freshness of the world
We feed on the flesh and blood of earth and we smile as her blood drips from our faces.
Listen
Look someone cares
They speak out and carry signs wishing for change
They are defenders guardians warriors citizens of the natural world
They care and they aren’t afraid to tell the world
They hold marches
They practice conservation in everyday life
A generation has found their voice
Listen
But no one does
The bastards still drown us out with screeching machinery
Our peaceful resistance grinds to a halt as they grind the forest into dust and strip the world bare
They tell us we are wrong
They have the audacity to call us conspiracy theorists
I can’t bear to listen
So I won’t
It’s my turn to make some noise
It’s their turn to listen
And they don’t have a choice
My voice is my weapon and my wit is sharp
My battle cry will shake what little trees are left
I will roar like a hurricane
I will bellow like the machines you cherish
And I will drown them out and destroy them as they destroy the world
I will do it happily
You’d better listen
Editor: Makena Behnke
By Brennan Nick
Ghosts are a blurred idea, the dwelling of unfinished business.
When moving from your old home you may have had bitter feelings left,
The ones from unfinished business that murmur back to be resolved.
But less than a day later, a new family may come, a fresh coat of paint that faded away your impact.
All that you felt, had, loved, is no longer there, “tasteless,” you’d say, now just in your thoughts.
Maybe that’s why we believe that those icy ghosts exist,
That our lives had such an impact that they can still hush where we have been but no longer.
Editor: Peter Kadel
THIS IS PART OF OUR MURDER MYSTERY SERIES. THIS IS PURE FICTION AND MEANT FOR ENJOYMENT. TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR THE NEXT PART OF THE PUZZLE!
Information compiled by Detectives Shelby Armor and Claire Jenkins
CASE 4501 – BEN SNYDER
Ben Snyder was found dead by one of the janitorial staff late last night. She reported the death to Captain Peter Kadel of the PVS Police Department at 10:42 p.m. They believe that the victim was killed by indirect means. No evidence has been found yet. Captain Kadel told our reporter that Snyder was found dead in the Upper School courtyard with his backpack and multiple books at one of the tables. The PVS Police are still on the hunt for witnesses. If you know anything about this, please contact PVSPolice@pvs.org. The motive is still unclear, and the case is currently open. A progress report will follow.
Information verified by Captain Kadel
WARNING: The following story may be a cliffhanger; proceed at your own risk.
Graphic by Harlow Berny
Retold by Harlow Berny
Centuries ago, when the winter had lain a thick blanket of snow upon the earth, a commoner’s son was sent to the forest to collect some firewood for his family, since the old miller from whom they used to buy was now beyond the realm of the living. When he had gathered as much as he could onto his quaint sleigh, he was tired and cold from his hours of work without any more than the thin clothes on his back. He decided to dig in the snow to make a small fire pit so he could regain his strength to bring the logs home, but once he removed the snow from the dirt, he found a small, golden key, no bigger than a toothpick. If there is a key hidden in the ground, thought he, then there must be something to unlock as well! He dug deeper under the ground where he found the key, delighted to find an iron box! Surely this box holds something precious inside! He searched all sides, and after two searches he saw the keyhole, so small that it was barely visible. He decided to try the key in the hole, and it fit perfectly inside. When he gently turned it and heard a delicate click, the box was unlocked. He opened the lid, and found inside…
Editor: Makena Behnke
Every human being is
Equal.
Each human being is an 
Individual.
No one has a right to
Look down on someone
And laugh at them,
Or scold them.
We are all unique,
But we’re all
Human.
No one should look
Down on another just because
They’re “foolish” and different
When compared to the bully’s
“Brilliant” mind.
If only everyone would be respectful and kind,
We’d have a happy, peaceful world,
Full of joy,
Where evil, misfortune, and depression
Are extinct.
Sadly, that’s not the current truth.
But,
Will you change the world?
Editor: Shelby Armor
By Peter Kadel, Senior Survival Scout
*Episode 1 in an ongoing series.
As we slowly acclimate to the total system shock of returning to school, I’ve noticed that many students are struggling with many aspects of everyday life here at Palm Valley. So since I enjoy helping others, I’ve put together a handy guide to school, drawing on my four years of experience and expertise for anybody who needs a helping hand to use. While many people will sugarcoat the truth or tell you lies to keep you ignorant and complacent, my guide will contain only factual truths.
The Morning:
One significant change that everyone struggles with when returning to school is adjusting to the change in sleep schedules and having to wake up early while also staying up late to do homework. This change is often a cause of struggle and stress for students. To prevent this stress, I fall asleep as soon as I get home. I strictly enforce a bedtime of 5:00 pm and always, religiously, wake up at exactly 2:00 am. This allows me to have nine blissful hours of sleep. Upon waking up, I proceed to run to the top of the tramway for a bit of fresh air. Now that I have reached the sweet spot of being wide awake after my run and refreshed due to my restful sleeping schedule, I am ready to tackle the assignments that I neglected to do the day before.
The key to effectively finishing your assignments before the start of school is speed; errors don’t matter. High school is supposed to be the best 5 ½ years of your life, but they won’t be if you worry about silly academic stuff. Just get it done as quickly as you can so you can focus on the important task of flirting with people your age and getting tattoos or piercings.
That is how I tackle the mornings. Stay tuned for the next installment to Pete’s Declassified School Survival Guide!
Editor: Brennan Nick
By Makena Behnke
those whose hair covers their eyes
those who decorate their bodies with ink from a needle or rings pierced into their skin
those whose hair is the color of the rainbow
those who are the rainbow
they don’t judge you as you anticipate, but you judge them as they mind their business
you judge them by their music or their favorite color
not as who they are but by the color of their fingernails
or what gender wears the makeup, or how much they apply and where it is applied
but little do you know the music you call “crap” and “stupid” is the music that helped them
those “idiots” that scream into the microphone are their heroes
and the way you judge is the reason why we need these heroes
Editor: Claire Jenkins
*Ms. Zachik talked about Irony today in English class. This is totally true.
By Brennan Nick
It has become apparent that due to new evidence of the populations of a certain furry rodent, the national security of the United States and its northern neighbor, Canada, are now under an unprecedented threat. With the advent of satellite pictures and increased scientific research of the Canadian north, we have found that gophers are congregating and building up their numbers in an advanced underground dirt complex located in northeastern Alberta. Why are they doing this? Let’s take a closer look. American explorer, Rob Mark, was the first person ever to visit “it,” and what he found was frightening. When he reached the gophers’ home after a 200-mile-long trek, he saw what we’re really up against. Although only seeing one gopher, no doubt the rest were underground hiding from him trying to cover up their operations. What he did see, in his own words, was, “What… I witnessed… was… an…engineering marvel… that was… frightening.” He then used the words, “They were… angry… but…industrious…animals…and were…preparing to–….They had…helicopters!”
*Disclaimer: the previous quotes were lightly edited.
These gophers are poised to create a small, elite army in the coming years that, within the first month of their invasions, I project that they will be able to overrun everywhere from Alberta to British Columbia to Northern Wisconsin. Their army numbers in the thousands with their average soldier looking like this:
We can also see previous attempts of gopherite control in the United States in the 2010 Congressional Election when a candidate for Montana’s At-Large District, Melinda Gopher, tried to take control of the state during the election. The important thing to note here is that she is named GOPHER and that she is a supposed native from the northwest of the state, directly bordering Alberta, Canada. Is this a coincidence? I think not!
Furthermore, this is not a joke, this is not some fringe idea, this is not some tin foil hat, snake oil, scam (I pinky promise! swearsies!). This is not something to be ignored. Advanced and extensive military action must be taken to curb the strength of this hostile gopher society. Others have reported on this as well. Other experts have had articles dedicated to Rob Mark’s discovery on DailyMail, Independent, CBC, Telegraph, and other smaller news sources. It is now the time to take action against the threat posed by the gophers to the north. Join the Gopher Defense Society today!
Editor: A.J. Patencio