Why Dr Pepper Is the Best

Wouldn’t You Like To Be A Pepper, Too?

By Senior Gil Maruvada

In our pursuit of controversy, we’ve unearthed Oliver’s unpopular sports opinions and the fiery opinions of PVS middle and upper schoolers, its staff and faculty (Thank you, Louisa). Gil, who “requires controversial opinions in order to tell the difference between his own identity and that of other people,” finds this was a subject made for him. Gil stands alone(?) in his love for Dr Pepper. He explains why he’s “a Pepper.”

In Waco, Texas, at the turn of the 19th century, before world wars and the Great Depression, an invention that would change the face of the world today was created. That something was the soda Dr Pepper, first sold on December 1st, 1885 (thoughtco.com). It is the world’s best commercially available soda sold in most retail stores. Now, you might have a personal favorite brand, but Dr Pepper is the best soda you can get just by walking into any store near you. That might be a bit of a bold claim, so allow me to prove definitively once and for all that Dr Pepper is better than its alternatives: Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, Mountain Dew, etc.

Now, let’s get this straight first, Dr Pepper has no period. While Dr Pepper was initially stylized with a period, the Artesian Manufacturing and Bottling Company dropped the period in the 1950s, so referring to it with a period is incorrect (drpeppermuseum.com). Additionally, there is no consensus as to why it is called Dr Pepper, and if it was named after a person there are competing theories as to who (dallasnews.com).

The superiority of Dr Pepper has been heralded by a small circle of pepper enthusiasts, some may call it cult-like but I like to think of it as the global Dr Pepper conspiracy community. Dr Pepper is something entirely different from Coke or Pepsi because Coke and Pepsi are colas while Dr Pepper is a pepper soda, which is an entirely different category pioneered by Charles Alderton. And while soda sales overall have been going down for other companies, Dr Pepper sales have been going up (cnn.com).

A large number of people swear by Dr Pepper as well (not just me). Elizabeth Sullivan, who drank three Dr Peppers a day, credits it with her longevity; she lived to be 106 years old (nbcdfw.com). She famously stated that “Every doctor that sees me says they’ll kill you, but they die and I don’t” (time.com). She has a point–-Dr Pepper is a heaven-sent elixir and panacea.

Now Dr Pepper isn’t for everyone; some people don’t like its additional flavors and complex layers (and while I think these people are weak and inherently wrong, they technically have the right to their own incorrect opinions). 

But this doesn’t answer the question of what Dr Pepper is. Dr Pepper isn’t a soda but a representation of human freedom. Every soda above Dr Pepper in sales is owned by either PepsiCo or the Coca Cola company. That makes Dr Pepper the third most popular alternative company, the third choice in a two party system. Sodas emulate politics. Coca Cola and Pepsi represent how a two-party paradigm can naturally emerge in a voting system. The only difference from politics is here people vote with their money. But a two-party system inherently restricts options and variability. Coke and Pepsi both have supporters and detractors who would fight to the end for their corporate overlords’ sakes, but in the end they are both really similar sodas. Dr Pepper, however, is an alternative to the system, a giant cooperation in its own right stepping into the ring and making a spectacle. This battle will not be fought with the force and passion of political debates but with the slow and steady machinations of the economy. And I for one would welcome a new Dr Pepper paradigm, where pepper sodas completely take over. Out with the old corporate overlords and in with the “new.” It just tastes better. 

*The views expressed by Mr. Maruvada do not necessarily represent the views of The Bird on Fire, Ms. Zachik, and PVS, or anyone else for that matter.