By Special Guest Blogger and Math Teacher Extraordinaire, Mr. Eric Hesson
Note: The following is a work of fiction written with no regard for scientific accuracy. The technical terminology used is meaningless nonsense included because it sounded nice.
Mr. Hesson
Commander Jechtus Appleberry floated above the seabed, eyeing the makeshift contraption.
“Set axial ray to drop at 1.4 lithometers.”
Lead Engineer Pepper Marshelina was at his side, gripping a stabilizing rod for support as she tapped commands into the console.
“Copy, ax to drop at one-four.”
“Stabilize revert cable.”
“Stabilizing… cable set.”
“Alright. Initialize retrieval protocol in 3… 2… 1… NOW.”
Pepper flipped a switch and the mobile generator rumbled to life. Power flowed to the junction and the retrieval cage dropped through the fissure and plummeted into the abyss. Jechtus sighed with relief.
“Keep an eye on degradation. We can’t afford to lose this one.”
“Copy. Holding so far. Pressure’s reading at ten off max.”
Their eyes were fixed on the monitors, scanning the data as it poured in, parsing for anomalies. A soft thump echoed from below.
“Axial ray in place. Continuing descent.”
The generator’s hum seemed to grow louder, wailing against the silence of the sea.
“You like pancakes?”
“What?”
“Flapjacks. You know. Hot off the griddle. Sopping with butter.”
“Respectfully, sir, I… don’t really have an opinion.”
“You don’t like them?”
‘I’m not sure I’ve had them.’
“What? Really?”
“I’ve had crepes.”
“Ew, what? No. I’m talking rich buttermilk hotcakes! Stacked up and slathered in syrup!”
Pepper shook her head. The light from her helmet swiveled across the seafloor, illuminating hosts of strange fungi in the distance.
“Sorry, I don’t mean to hector you. I’m just homesick. We’ve been out here so long. I retreat into my memories. Breakfast on a summer morning. Fixing coffee for my mother while she doted on her swans. Pancakes…”
“I’ll have to try some. If we make it back.”
“When.”
“Right…”
The cable snapped tight. The cage had completed its descent.
“Contact?”
“Positive.”
“Ok. Let’s bring it in.”
Pepper flipped another switch on the control array, and sixty fathoms below them the gripping clamp jutted from its casing, slid toward the target, and clenched its mechanical fist.
“Clamp is locked. We have the artifact.”
Pepper turned to face him and they shared a smile, squinting in each others’ lamplight. But her eyes were pulled upward by a distant trick of light, a swaying glint upon the darkness…
They felt it then, a pressure bearing down through the waters. And with it a sound, a deep and heavy groan.
The pressure intensified. Something was moving, something close. And then it caught the light, and they saw it – a tentacle, of incomprehensible size, hurtling down from above. It passed mere meters from their post… and slammed into the seafloor, knocking up a massive torrent of debris and rocketing the surveyors helplessly out into the void.
*The Bird on Fire welcomes guest submissions–especially from teachers.
I have but one question: what’s the matter with crepes?
Jechtus resents crepes because they lack the thick, fluffy texture he craves. He is very attached to his traditions and he fears change!