When Elizabeth was asked about any laws she wanted made or replaced, she quickly responded as the protector of unsuspecting ears–specifically, those ears listening to national anthem renditions.
By Elizabeth Shay
“The one good thing about national anthems is that we’re already on our feet, and therefore ready to run”–Ocean Vuong
Roseanne Barr. Dierks Bentley. Fergie. What do these people all have in common? Each of these performers has gone viral for their respective renditions of our national anthem, “The Star Spangled Banner.” The spread of the videos is not attributed to the impressive ability of the singers, rather, the not-so pleasant (to downright awful) arrangements of the centuries-old song. Such performances assault the ears of listeners, inspiring laughter and cringes alike. And these flops are all too common.
To be fair, the “Star Spangled Banner” is an extremely difficult song to sing, even for the most well-trained singers. Michael Dean, chair of the Department of Music and director of vocal studies at UCLA, has worked with vocalists of all skill levels and genres on the song. The difficulty lies in the song’s expansive vocal range, as well as the need for the ability to sing a vowel on the highest note of the piece — on “free” — which physically strains the throat. “[The song] goes from the lowest extreme of the voice to the highest extreme of the voice,” Dean said. “The thing people forget to do is start the piece low enough so that high notes are not too high for them at the end.” Another often problematic factor is that the song is typically performed a cappella, which causes singers to start in the wrong key due to the lack of accompaniment (ABC News).
So what can be done to protect the innocent public from being subjected to horrendous abuse of our anthem? Well, we can look to Massachusetts for a solution. According to state law, if a person “plays, sings or renders the ‘Star Spangled Banner’” in any public place, theatre, motion picture hall, restaurant, or cafe, or at any public entertainment, other than as a whole and separate composition or number, without embellishment or addition in the way of national or other melodies,” they can face a fine (USA Today). As the law stands, the fine cannot exceed $100; however, making this a federal law with one year of jail time or a $100,000 fine will ensure that nobody butchers the national anthem ever again. The passage of this law guarantees that this heinous crime will not go unpunished.
Decriminalize/Criminalize Editor: Evan Spry
Sources:
Fergie vibes.