Why Can’t you Play Hockey with Pigs?

By Luke Langlois

Pigs hog the puck. There are only three certainties on thebirdonfire.org: death, taxes, and Luke pestering the audience with hockey posts. When I think of holiday seasons, the one I anticipate the most is the National Hockey League season. Who decided that the NHL’s opening day could be a holiday? I did. “Holiday” is relative, people! We all know what’s going on in the other major sports leagues. The NFL is everywhere; the disappointment of Dodgers fans is loudly heard around the world, and the NBA is always filled with some sort of interpersonal drama. Where’s the buzz for the NHL?! Who should you cheer for? What’s the best bandwagon to hop on? I’ve got it covered. 

The Atlantic Division

• Boston Bruins – This bumblebee-colored team is often the favorite of those who are looking to get into the sport of hockey because of their consistency. The Bruins find themselves near the top of the food chain every season with no signs of stopping. 
• Montreal Canadiens – A favorite among the seven million French speakers in Canada, the culturally-rich Canadiens are hands down the most successful franchise in NHL history with twenty-four Stanley Cup championships. 
• Tampa Bay Lightning – Can you play hockey in Florida? Yes! The Lightning have an all-around depth unrivaled by many in the NHL, and they are looking forward to replicating the overwhelming success of the 2018-2019 regular season in which they went 62-16-4. Don’t ask them about the playoffs (they got swept). 
• Toronto Maple Leafs – Comparable to the NBA’s Lakers, the Leafs are an uber-popular team even beyond the city of Toronto. Although they haven’t won the Stanley Cup in over fifty years, the passionate “bleed-blue” fanbase makes this franchise one of the few worth more than a billion dollars. 
• Florida Panthers – The Florida Panthers claim the entire state of Florida, but they are seen as Tampa Bay’s little brother. Their fanbase is small, but they have an exciting core of players, especially with the addition of Russian goalie Sergei Andreyevich Bobrovsky. Become a Panther fan if you want to push against the hockey norm. 
• Detroit Red Wings – The Red Wings have enough hockey history to last someone a lifetime. The team is in a textbook “rebuild,” so the product on the ice isn’t always pretty. But, with the brand new deliciously named Little Caesar’s Arena, why wouldn’t you want to watch the Red Wings? 
• Buffalo Sabres – A team known for its long-suffering fanbase, the Buffalo Sabres seem to finally be coming around to greatness. It will be no surprise if the Sabres end up amongst the top of the Atlantic Division, and perhaps even the Eastern Conference.
• Ottawa Senators – Ottawa is a franchise plagued with controversy and ownership issues. Unless you are an Ottawa faithful, I would not recommend following this team as they cozy up to the bottom of the league.

The Metropolitan Division

• Columbus Blue Jackets – The Blue Jackets got put into a rough situation following the 2018-2019 season. They had some of the league’s best skaters, but they refused to sign new contracts with Columbus and dispersed around the league. Columbus is a decent team, but they’re missing the star power they need. 
• Washington Capitals – Another team that seems to be constantly successful, the Capitals are making sure the citizens of the District of Columbia get used to having successful teams. If you’re looking for a whole city of teams to cheer for, D.C isn’t an awful place to start with the Capitals, Nationals, Wizards, Redskins, and Mystics.
• New Jersey Devils – Somehow, they fit an entire hockey team in the tiny state that is New Jersey. The Devils have some of the most recognizable players in hockey with P.K. Subban, Taylor Hall, and the 2019 first overall draft pick Jack Hughes. Also, they have a slick color palette. 
•  Philadelphia Flyers – The thing about Philadelphia sports fans is that their love for sports teams comes hand in hand with their love for the city and its people. Flyers fans are LOUD and passionate. They also have a bit of a reputation for throwing objects onto the ice when referees make questionable calls. If that’s your thing, cheer for the Flyers!
• Carolina Hurricane – Carolina created a buzz last season when they created a unique style to celebrate their wins on home ice. Once, they dunked a basketball on ice. The Hurricane have been under the radar, but they are a great team that embraces the fun side of the sport for their fans. 
• New York Islanders – Can’t afford tickets in Madison Square Garden? Cheer for the Islanders. It may sound silly, but this hockey team has mastered being a team. On paper, their roster is not that extravagant, yet this team plays like they’ve been playing hockey together for thirty years. 
• Pittsburgh Penguins – The Flyers are great and all, but the state of Pennsylvania has largely rallied around the recent success of the Penguins. With three Stanley Cups in the past decade (2009, 2016, 2017), the Penguins have certainly made good use of one of the best players in the league, Sidney Crosby. 
• New York Rangers – The most valuable franchise in the NHL is unsurprisingly located in the heart of New York City. Rangers fans never fail to fill Madison Square Garden, even in the face of a team that has seen better days. It’s New York. 

The Central Division

• Colorado Avalanche – What do you do after putting up one of the worst seasons in NHL history? Why, you become one of the best teams in the league a couple of years later, of course! The Avalanche have a high-flying offense which invades the nightmares of every goalie. Maybe it’s the altitude. 
• Chicago Blackhawks – If you surveyed NHL players about which arena they least like to play in, it would be the home of the Blackhawks. Winning three Stanley Cups in six years has given the Blackhawks organization out of this world attendance numbers with crowds well over twenty-thousand at every home game. 
• St. Louis Blues – The Blues have not been singing the blues recently, given that they just ended their fifty-year drought and are the defending Stanley Cup champions. You can root for Missouri without any misery! 
• Winnipeg Jets – This Manitoban team prides itself as being the “true north” of the NHL. In the grand hockey scheme, they are a relatively new team and are still looking for life via a Stanley Cup championship, but I reckon that they are on the right track. They have fallen just short of greatness in the past few years.
• Nashville Predators – A team known for their mix of yeehaw and hockey, the Nashville Predators are uniquely southern with the country tinge they add to home games. They are consistently a strong team, and they have fans that throw dead catfish on the ice. What more could you want? 
• Dallas Stars – Cowboys, who? Located in the heart of the Lone Star State, the Dallas Stars prance around the league with that Texas swagger with their eye-popping green jerseys. There is nothing quite like hearing the Stars’ hard-rock goal that has the entire state chanting for the “DALLAS STARS” with a guitar riff behind them.
• Minnesota Wild – Ah, Minnesota, the stereotypical hockey state.  Tucked up in the cold of St. Paul, Wild fans are hopelessly in love with their somewhat mediocre home team. Let me know if you can figure out what their primary logo is supposed to be.

The Pacific Division

• Vancouver Canucks – Vancouver tends to be one of the most attractive free-agent destinations for a reason. For one, beautiful British Columbia is a great place to be if you’re a young and rich athlete. It’s also important to note that Canucks fans literally tried burning down their city after losing the Stanley Cup in 2011, resulting in about 5.57 million dollars in damages.  
• Arizona Coyotes – People often question the validity of hockey in the barren desert, but that hasn’t stopped this tenacious group from making Arizona an icebox. If you’ve ever felt the need to howl after your team scores, cheer for the Coyotes. They do that. 
• Anaheim Ducks – Have you ever heard of The Mighty Ducks? That’s right, the Anaheim Ducks are the only team to have stemmed from a Disney movie. While teams like the Clippers, Angels, and Chargers struggle to find their place in the shadow of a more popular Los Angeles team, the Ducks have found their identity as Orange County’s pride and joy.
• Calgary Flames – When this team is able to gather its heat, they are good. The Flames haven’t been so red hot lately, but the “C” of red has never been stronger. During Calgary playoff games, Flames’ fans suffocate the seats of the Scotiabank Saddledome with RED. 
• Vegas Golden Knights – Even though the Knights just came into existence in the 2017-2018 season, they have already dotted the league with the golden glitz and glamor of Las Vegas. In fact, they have never missed the playoffs in their two-year history, and they made the Stanley Cup Finals in their inaugural season. Viva, Las Vegas! 
• Los Angeles Kings – In 2012 and 2014, the Kings won the Stanley Cup in dominant fashion and showed the city that they meant business. Since 2014, though, the Kings have been unable to find that champion spark and are currently in the process of rebuilding their roster to match the NHL’s new style of play focused on youth and speed. If it were up to me, you’d ALL be Kings’ fans. 
• Edmonton Oilers – The Oilers have been notoriously mediocre for the last decade, but that doesn’t change Edmonton’s status as the team of “The Great One,” Wayne Gretzky. This season, it seems that the Oilers have finally found their footing as a 21st Century Stanley Cup contender, but only time will tell.
• San Jose Sharks – The Sharks have been competitive for a very long time. They’ve made deep playoff runs galore, but they haven’t been able to seal the deal. Unfortunately, their core players are old, and it looks like their window of contention has closed. But, that won’t stop the sea of teal that covers the Bay Area. 

If you have made it to the bottom of this post, I APPLAUD you. Seriously. Our desert NEEDS hockey fans. For the unaware, the NHL will be adding an expansion team to Seattle, Washington. Each NHL team has an AHL (American Hockey League) affiliate, where players on the cusp of the NHL go to develop. We are getting that AHL team RIGHT HERE in the desert, and I highly recommend that you learn the sport so that you can take advantage of what is likely to be the greatest entertainment hub in our valley. Plus, we don’t want them to leave us if it’s not working out financially. That is all!

Seasons Editor: Katelin Mei