A Misportrayed Krab

By new-to-the-2018-19-birdonfire staff, Blogger Luke Langlois

What’s the first word you think of when presented with our favorite animated restaurant owner, Mr. Krabs? It could be something like red, shiny, or even pointy-nosed. Unfortunately, the most prominent description of Mr. Krabs is “cheap.” How often do people use the word “cheap” in a good light? If you’re in need of a bag of Doritos, and a friend won’t lend a dollar, you’d call that friend cheap. If someone gets genuinely excited by a penny on the floor, they’re cheap. If your employer sells your soul for sixty-two cents, they’re cheap. By all accounts, Eugene Krabs has shown himself to be the stereotypical cheapskate. Society would like you to think that being the dictionary definition of a cheapskate is NOT a good thing. Though, is Mr. Krabs truly a cheap crab at heart? Or, is he an overly generous employer? After a brief look at some numbers, the answer is pretty clear.

Let’s take a look at the typical fast-food employee of the United States and compare it to Mr. Krab’s employees. In the United States, someone in the fast food industry is paid about $18,000 a year. In most large cities, the median rent per month for an average apartment would be at least $1,000. Without covering taxes, or any other basic need, that would amount to $12,000 a year, a majority of the salary of an average employee. Clearly, the average fast food employee does not make even close to enough to live in a safe apartment in the city while covering any other basic needs or amenities. How miserable! Who could ever work in the fast-food industry and live a fulfilled life? Spongebob and Squidward could.

Now, we can take a look at Spongebob and Squidward, Mr. Krabs’s two most loyal employees of nearly twenty years. Both of these fast-food employees are clearly able to provide for themselves. They have sizable and safe households. Besides being the owners of safe and decently sized domiciles, Spongebob and Squidward live in the outskirts of a prime city under the ocean.  As far as us viewers know, there are no other major cities in existence in the Spongebob universe. Adding on to this, the most desirable homes in cities are usually the suburban ones, such as Spongebob’s pineapple or Squidward’s Easter Island Head. To sum it up, these employees live in safe and spacious homes in the prime of this aquatic metropolis. Not only that, but Spongebob and Squidward have been known to have more than just basic needs. Spongebob is well known for his expert caretaking as well as jellyfishing. Like Spongebob, Squidward is able to pursue his passions. He paints, plays the clarinet, and even takes dance lessons. These are all expensive pursuits, especially in a capitalist society! In comparison to our above-water society, Squidward and Spongebob are paid exceptionally well for their seemingly mundane jobs in the fast-food industry.

Does the point not drive itself home? Mr. Krabs, mistakenly portrayed as a cheap and horrible crab to work for, is in fact one of the most generous people you could EVER work for. If you hear anyone call Mr. Krabs cheap, sit them down and make sure their minds are forever changed.

DISCLAIMER: While Mr. Krabs pays generously and allows his two employees to live a good life, he has made a few mistakes. Luke does not personally support the following: thievery, counterfeiting, 24/7 labor, selling the souls of employees, assault of employees, jellyfish slavery, grave robbery, attempted murder, or charging people for breathing.

Editor: Bella Bier